If Phoenix has an arch-nemesis, it's obviously Los Angeles.
To that, we can tell you the top 10 reasons why Phoenix is much better than Los Angeles:
10.) Phoenix Has Lower Taxes
This is a fact.
9.) Literally Everything Is Cheaper in Phoenix
Why own a home in Phoenix when you can live in an L.A. apartment for a billion dollars a month?!
8.) Phoenix Is Sunnier
And a little warmer!
7.) L.A. Has Two NBA Teams! And Zero NFL Teams
A game the Cardinals will always win!
6.) Excessive Heat Builds Character
That's a true fact I found on the Internet.
5.) Skid Row
Not the prettiest of neighborhoods.
4.) L.A.'s Own Community Leaders Describe the Place as Miserable
Seriously. Get this — the city put together a council of city community leaders to take a look at the future of Los Angeles. They reported back with lines such as, "Year by year, our City—which once was a beacon of innovation and opportunity to the world—is becoming less livable," and ". . . almost 40% of our community lives in what only can be called misery."
3.) The Ocean? That's Where Sharks Live
A little rattlesnake bite never hurt anyone. (FYI, that is not true.)
2.) The Movie Falling Down Is Pretty Much a Documentary
(Warning: NSFW language.)
That fantastic movie, starring Michael Douglas, is a 113-minute explanation of how Los Angeles can turn an ordinary person into a violent lunatic. Or something like that.
1.) The Traffic Is a Thousand Times Better in Phoenix
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Maybe even 2,000 times better. People die of old age in L.A. traffic. This entire list could have just said "traffic" 10 times.
Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX.