So this one time, my brother left a large tube of salami under our bunk bed — because he likes to hoard food — and totally forgot about it for three weeks, until it started to smell so bad that we almost called the paramedics. We looked down there and there's this dildo-shaped green pickle that's practically glowing, and the mold has spread all over the wadded up tissues, dirty socks, and lost Pokémon cards that also found their way under our mattress. My mother... More >>>