Too Much Fur
Hey, it's winter. A little bit of cozy fur is great for the inside of a coat collar or on the end of a scarf. But sporting He-Man boots with a full fur coat and hat will make you look like an ass. We live in lizard country, not bear country, remember?
Huge Civil War Era-Lookin' Beard
Many guys make the sad mistake of using cold weather as an excuse to
forgo facial hair maintenance. Unfair! How would guys like it if the
ladies used winter as an excuse to stop shaving their parts? Come on,
dudes, trim that bush.
Thigh-High Boots
Let's be realistic here: This trend takes a lot of fashion prowess to not
make the wearer look like a complete whore. Phoenix, we're just not
there yet. If you want to wear them, book a trip to New York, observe
how those ladies do it, and try it there.
Leggings or Jeggings as Pants (Conditional)
Don't wear them if your shirt or sweater does not cover at least 3/4 of
your butt. This isn't yoga class, it's the real world. Don't wear them
unless you have a cute ass. Thin or heavyset, leggings as pants are only
for those whose tushies are smooth and shapely. Don't wear them if your
underwear lines show through. This should be a no-brainer but we
still see this around town. Stop, please!
Baggy Beanies
We put up with this trend last year and while certain folks can pull
this off, the vast majority of you look like idiots. Especially the
dudes. And especially if your baggy beanie is a neutral color (this rule
goes for all beanies, BTW). Things just start to look fleshy and
saggy...which is really not the visual association your clothing should
make. In other words, get that scrotum off your head.
Mini Dress
Unfortunately, this happens in Phoenix. We've all seen the gaggle of
girls on a Saturday night wearing sleeveless mini dresses. We realize this is
an attempt to look hot and sexy in spite of the cold. Ladies, there's
nothing attractive about a girl hunched over, shivering, with goose
bumps all over her wintery dry skin. Cover that mess up.
Scarf Plus Tank Top
This is just downright offensive. First, tank tops should not be worn in
winter unless they are your first layer. Second, a fluffy scarf should
be paired with other fluffy or warm-looking clothes. The winter scarf
plus tank top happens a lot in Phoenix and it makes us look like fashion
morons.
Flip-Flops
This is the ultimate offense to winter fashion in Phoenix. Come on! Do
you even care? About anything? Flip-flops should not be worn after
September, period, end of story. Also, if you have the audacity to wear
flip-flops in winter, you're probably the kind of person who does not
take care of your feet. Guess what? No one wants to see your scraggle
pads with chipped toenail polish and hang-nails at any time of the year,
let alone in winter.
UGG Boots
This is a plea to the nation to stop wearing these hideous things.
Can we move on already? There's no better way to show how fashionably
stunted we are than to sport these clunkers. Remember in America's Next
Top Model when the judges slammed one of the contestants for choosing
to wear UGGs? You don't? That's probably because IT HAPPENED IN 2004!
