Best Place For Smokers, Strippers, Swappers And Soothsayers 2001 | Gene's Hickory Smoked BBQ | Megalopolitan Life | Phoenix
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Best Place For Smokers, Strippers, Swappers And Soothsayers

Gene's Hickory Smoked BBQ

It's like a Disneyland of debauchery here: Not only does Gene's serve up some mighty tasty hickory-smoked barbecue, but it shares space with a topless bar, a flea market and a psychic. This gleaming white trailer sits in the parking lot of the Candy Store exotic dance club, an ambitious piece of asphalt that's also home to Paradise Valley Swap Meet. But not only is this a bargain mecca, it's run by folks who happily read our palms while we take a break from shopping. Oh, and if we've got an important document to be notarized, they do that, too.

Gene makes his 'cue from scratch, smoking tender brisket, beef, pork, pork ribs and chicken (breast, of course) for 10 hours. The thick, sweet sauce is Gene's own creation, too. He says the recipe is a secret, but we've been thinking we might be able to work out a deal with the on-site psychic.

Best Eye Job

Governor Jane Dee Hull

When we first heard about Governor Hull's most significant accomplishment this past summer -- getting her eyes done -- we smirked. Jeez, lady, you don't need to go under the knife, we thought. Some scissors and a bottle of Clairol will do just fine. Really, no one's looking at your eyes -- who could, after being blinded by your fire-engine helmet head?

Then we saw the governor on television, post-cut.

Wow, great job! Can we get the name of the surgeon? As one observer remarked, "Yeah, Governor Hull got an eye job -- all over her face."

Okay, so she really got a face lift; don't all politicians lie? Who cares, she looks fabulous! Who would have guessed that Jane Hull was a slave to the mirror?

Now if you'd just pay as much attention to the state of the state as you did to the state of your sags, Guv.

Best Hole In The Sky

"Knight Rise"

It's easy to scoff at the thought of staring up at the sky through a hole in a building not much bigger than an outhouse. But this best new view -- named after the museum's former director, Robert Knight, and created by artist James Turrell and architect William Bruder -- reveals the delicious spins that great artists can put on the commonplace. The elliptical room is a wide telescope that beams the eye far beyond the curved seats and walls. We recommend viewing this wonderful work at sunset. As day fades, the hole jumps to life as a medallion of changing, vivid colors. Your eyes adjust, and you find yourself staring at a deep, surprising glow of night.

Best Local Tourist Attraction You've Probably Never Heard Of

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Have you had it up to your disposable camera with Western-themed tourist traps featuring fake cowboy shoot-outs and chuck-wagon dinners served in mining pans?

Then dare to look beyond the obvious at Somewhere Over the Rainbow, a three-acre oasis of oddities near Cave Creek and Sweetwater roads, assembled by 77-year-old retiree Gus Brethauer. He has spent the past 25 years turning his property into a glorious pack rat paradise, and these days, he gladly gives tours in return for a voluntary donation.

The kids will enjoy highlights like a UFO landing pad, a prehistoric Temple of Doom, a grove of artificial Christmas trees (complete with plastic forest denizens), a "haunted" bungalow, and a mirror maze fashioned from discarded reflective surfaces. Older visitors will get a kick out of old Phoenix rubble -- decorative plastic "WP" trim from West Plaza Shopping Center and a stone gargoyle from the old Fox Theatre. Come prepared to walk (tours through the desert terrain take about two hours), and leave your disbelief at home.

Best Pair Of Double Entendres In A Local TV Newscast

KPNX News 12

Several months after 14-year-old Sean Botkin was arrested for holding a classroom full of Glendale elementary school students hostage at gunpoint, the boy's mother talked to reporters about his upcoming trial. An optimistic Cary Botkin said Sean's lawyer hoped to persuade the court to try her son as a juvenile, rather than as an adult, because that strategy represented "our best shot."

Later in the same broadcast, Lin Sue Cooney offered an update on an effort to remove Tempe Mayor Neil Giuliano from office: Among other charges, the openly gay politico was under fire for pulling city employees' support of the United Way, which funds the anti-gay Boy Scouts of America. Commenting on Giuliano's reaction to the recall movement, Cooney told viewers that the mayor "will not go down without a fight."

Best Tempe-to-downtown Shortcut

State Road 153

We're trusting you not to spoil this, to tell only whom you must: The recently constructed SR 153 takes you from University Drive at Priest, past Sky Harbor Airport, and over to Washington Street at 44th Street in less than two minutes with zero traffic. That's it. We sometimes weave from one side of this three-lane highway to the other, just because we can. Its traffic sign announces "Sky Harbor Airport," throwing off commuters who are unaware of the pot-o'-downtown-access gold awaiting them on this road less traveled. Beware -- there's a decoy that still tricks us during some bleary-eyed mornings: Just one block east of University's 153 entrance, there's a ramp to the 143 -- a potentially fatal error that launches you straight into the road-rage hell of Interstate 10.

Best Place To Have A Seinfeld Experience

Kohnie's

On Seinfeld, Elaine was so smitten by the Soup Nazi's offerings that she withstood his abuse and capricious behavioral requirements. We won't go so far as to imply a Scone Nazi exists in the Valley, but let's just say you do what you have to do to get what you need at Kohnie's. Kohnie's scones are so good -- they're usually gone by 8 a.m. -- that they tend to inspire irrational loyalty and perseverance in customers. Kohnie, the proprietor, is gleefully unapologetic when he runs out of scones or whatever else you're craving. A "regular" who walks in after you will get served first -- you got a problem with that? And then there's the matter of the no-man's-land time between breakfast and lunch when you can't have either. Just a bowl of granola, please? I can see it from here, sitting in that jar, no cooking needed, you plead. Nope, breakfast is over, Kohnie grunts. Okay, what about a sandwich? No can do, says Kohnie triumphantly; lunch doesn't start for 20 more minutes. Defeated, you walk away. You'd better learn the rules if you want to eat here. (But once you do, it's worth it.)

Best Place To Find Buddha

Oriental Factory Direct

Looking for a god? Any god? For just $2, you can have your own Buddha -- or choose from a plethora of other gods immortalized in wood, plastic, porcelain and brass at the Oriental Factory Direct. Among the weird statuettes are pudgy, baby-faced kung-fu fighters donning sunglasses and cute little deadly weapons. For quiet but constant affirmation, try one of the "bobble-head" dolls in traditional Chinese costume. Their big heads are on springs, so the slightest breeze sends them nodding every which way. Quirky items are side by side with beautiful silk dresses and intricate jewelry. The outlet also has a robust collection of Asian books, videos, DVDs and music. Whether you're looking for a path to enlightenment or just a cool frock to wear next Saturday night, you'll find it here.

Best College For A Major In Jin Shin Jyutsu

Southwest Institute of Healing Arts

Ancient Chinese secret, huh? Last year, the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts became an officially accredited college, offering diplomas in Therapeutic Massage, Western Herbalism and -- our favorite -- Oriental Bodywork. In the Institute's hallowed halls of healing, you can enroll in classes such as "Chinese Face Reading" and the always popular "Chi Gung for the Spine: Bend the Bow and Shoot the Arrow." Tuition ranges from $800 for a hypnotherapy degree to $8,000 to become a Master Massage Practitioner. Which beats heck -- but only barely -- out of Arizona State University's liberal arts program.

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