Every year a few ridiculous stories get squeezed in between the serious ones. In honor of the year coming to a close, it's time to poke some fun at those who entertained us by making the stupidest headlines in music news in 2010.
In no particular order, here are some real winners... err, well, actually, "losers" might be the better word.
John Mayer Says His Dick is Like a White Supremacist
I believe this was at the beginning of John Mayer's streak of comments that were TMI for everyone. In an interview with Playboy, Mayer said, "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick." Good thing John Mayer got himself unaddicted to Twitter, or I'd be afraid he'd still be saying things like that too often.
Read the full story here.
U2's Manager Fights Illegal Downloading
This year U2's manager, Paul McGuinness, had high hopes for illegal downloaders to start using Spotify, a paid music subscription service that properly distributes royalties to artists. Oh yeah, Paul? Don't hold your breath. I get it, he's trying to do right in the music industry. But, um, hello? U2 already has all the money in the world!
Read the full story here.
Ozzy Osbourne to be the Dear Abby of Rolling Stone
While the idea of having the Prince of Darkness answer Rolling Stone readers' letters in a "Dear Abby" style column is definitely amusing (and apparently he gave some decent advice) I don't think it ever became a regular column. I'm pretty sure it didn't continue after a few articles anyway.
Read the full story here.
Bono Kind of Trying to Help Africa
Bono and his associates made all sorts of stupid news this year, and it didn't stop at illegal downloading, which I thought was a shame since I like U2 a lot. Bono figured he could aid Africans, so he partnered with Louis Vuitton to make an Africa-inspired clothing line for Edun, his clothing company. Except his motive wasn't really to help people in Africa; it was "to draw attention to the new mood in Africa, which is positive and optimistic." That's it?! So much for saving the world, Bono.
Read the full story here.
Can $10M Buy a Weezer Breakup?
James Burns, a guy who hates Weezer's later material, tried to get people to donate $10 million to bribe Weezer to give up on their career. His campaign didn't make very much money, so not only did Burns initially look like a fool, but he also started receiving death threats. Weezer drummer Patrick Wilson responded to the campaign by tweeting, "If they can make it 20, we'll do the 'deluxe breakup!'" Touche.
Read the full story here.
Salvia Sales Soar After Miley's Bong Video Leaks
A leaked video of Miley Cyrus hitting salvia from a bong caused salvia sales in Los Angeles to skyrocket shortly afterwards. A few days after this whole bong incident happened, I saw a little girl wearing a Hannah Montana scarf, and just thinking about what an innocent girl Miley used to be, compared to how she is now, made me cringe. Who ever thought that Disney child stars could turn into screw-ups? (Either way, lots of them have.) Talk about an 18-year-old who's a bad influence on your kids!
Read the full story here.
50 Cent's Mansion Burgled by Stoners
Burglars have collectively reached a new level of sloth when two guys broke into 50 Cent's Connecticut mansion and didn't wreak havoc at all. Nope, one of them hid somewhere in the house while the other just chilled in the closet and drank one of 50 Cent's bottles of wine. You broke into 50 Cent's mansion, and all you stole was a bottle of wine? You guys call yourselves robbers? That's pitiful.
Read the full story here.
Wiz Khalifa's Twitter Drug Bust
Don't get me wrong, I love me some "Black and Yellow," but this has got to be my favorite stupid news story of the year. After a performance at East Carolina University, Wiz tweeted, "smoke outs in greenville nc tonite fall thru wit ur finest plant life." Later that evening, police searched his tour bus and found about $1,000 worth of marijuana after noticing the smell of weed coming from the bus. Wiz was taken to a local jail. After he and his manager posted bond the next morning, Wiz tweeted, "Man, jail sux!" Classic. Well surprise, man, it turns out that cops have Twitter too. Lesson learned: don't blaze and tweet.
Read the full story here.
Tomorrow we'll be recapping the flip side of music news: the most awesome stories of 2010. Don't miss it.
