He failed miserably at both.
According to documents obtained by New Times, Wilkinson's estranged wife was on the phone with the water company when Wilkinson showed up to her Queen Creek house.
The estranged wife told police she had expected for Wilkinson, 37, to show up at some point to fix her Internet connection, but instead he showed up with a roll of duct tape and attacked her.
Since she was still on the phone with the water company, the employee heard what was going on and called police.
Meanwhile, Wilkinson bound the woman and covered her mouth with duct tape and proceeded to force her to have sex with him, according to court documents.
The victim told investigators that Wilkinson moved her upstairs and tried to have sex with her again.
As the attack was going down, deputies from the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office showed up to the house and tried to order them outside.
Police say Wilkinson took the tape off of his estranged wife, and told her he was "just acting out one of his [fantasies] and that it was okay."
On a scale of 1 to 10, that excuse worked 0 -- his wife told police of the sexual assault, and Wilkinson was arrested.
Once at the investigations division of the MCSO, Wilkinson told investigators he was pretty sure that he was supposed to go over there because his estranged wife missed him, and not to fix the computer.
Wilkinson told investigators he eventually got mad because his ex told him she was a lesbian, but that they were also having consensual sex when sheriff's deputies showed up to the house.
While detectives went out of the interview room, Wilkinson went to plan B.
Police say Wilkinson took off his belt, and attempted to hang himself from the door knob of the interview room.
On a scale of 1 to 10, that worked about 1 -- investigators brought him to the hospital for "precautionary reasons" before booking him into jail shortly thereafter.
Wilkinson faces four counts of sexual assault and one count of kidnapping.
