Iron Chef America's Mark Dacascos' Raceway Material Needs Work

Last week, Mark Dacascos (CALL ME!), who plays "the Chairman" on Food Network's television series Iron Chef America, as well as Wo Fat, the recurring villain in the reboot of Hawaii Five-0 on CBS, did some laps in a pace car at the Phoenix International Raceway and then told a...

By Laura Hahnefeld

September 8, 2011

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "18478561",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "16759093",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "17980324",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "16759092",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "17980324",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 24
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "16759094",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 24
        }
      ]

Last week, Mark Dacascos (CALL ME!), who plays "the Chairman" on Food Network's television series Iron Chef America, as well as Wo Fat, the recurring villain in the reboot of Hawaii Five-0 on CBS, did some laps in a pace car at the Phoenix International Raceway and then told a joke that wasn't very good. See what you think:

"This is the best video game in the world, now I get it!"

Skippity skid marks, that's not a very good joke! If you're going to exceed speeds of 100 miles per hour, you better have a good joke to elicit some chuckles so you can catch your breath, put your silky hair back in place, and wipe the sweat from your most-perfect chest.

Here's some alternatives, Mark:

(Cheesy sound effects and martial arts moves go with each of these 'cause duh, the Chairman rolls like that.)

"Today's secret ingredient is...WHEEEEEEEE!"

"Suckling pig! Pineapple! Beeeer! Pace car! Crazy! Fast! Whoa!"

"In the words of my uncle: Holy shit, did you see how freakin' fast I was going?"

"Let the BATTLE BEGIN -- to get your keys back!"

"Stay outta my...turbo trail!"

Yes? No? Sheesh, maybe just leave it to a professional.

Follow Chow Bella on Facebook and Twitter.

Become A Member

BEFORE YOU GO...
Can you help us continue to share our stories? Since the beginning, Phoenix New Times has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix — and we'd like to keep it that way. Our members allow us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls.