Chicago Bears

For the Birds

Arizona Cardinals End Nine-Game Suck-Fest, Defeat the Detroit Lions 38-10

Here's your Christmas miracle, folks: the Arizona Cardinals won an actual football game, and they actually scored touchdowns in the process.After losing nine games in a row, rookie quarterback Ryan Lindley and the Arizona Cardinals defeated the Lions of Detroit, by a score of 38-10.See also:-Arizona ... More >>

Kevin Kolb's Toast for the Season, Clearing the Way for Cardinals' Total Suck-Fest

The Arizona Cardinals have placed porcelain doll quarterback Kevin Kolb on injured reserve, meaning he's done for the season.That move leaves the Cardinals with three options at quarterback for the rest of the suck-fest known as the 2012 season: starter-turned-backup-turned-starter-turned-backup-tur ... More >>

Club Candids: Sundays 4-2-10 at El Hefe

Football fans can be a rather crazy lot. Setting aside the fact they spend around four months out of every year obsessing over a single team and practically living and dying on their every move, pigskin addicts are more than willing to watch games in the freezing cold, while wearing wild outfits, or ... More >>

Knocked Out: For Kids, Concussions Can Be Worse Than for Adults

Super Bowl Preview: the Steelers, the Pack, and Why the Vince Lombardi Trophy is Going Back to Green Bay

www.Packers.com​To date, only one sixth-seeded playoff team has won the Super Bowl: the 2005 Pittsburgh Steelers. This year's Green Bay Packers reminds New Times of that year's Steelers insofar as neither of those teams is an authentic sixth-seed. Rather, both teams are SINOs, Sixth-Seeds In Name ... More >>

Larry Fitzgerald Going to Pro Bowl, Compliments of Green Bay Packers

Larry Fitzgerald is heading to Hawaii.​Despite a less-than-impressive season (thanks to three even less-impressive quarterbacks), and being a member of one of the worst teams in all of football, Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald's heading to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl.Fitzgerald& ... More >>

Brian Peterson of Cork

Chef Brian Peterson moved to Arizona after graduating from college in Chicago -- and instantly hated it. He expected to stay for six months. Instead, Peterson embarked on an eleven year culinary adventure that took him through Lon's at the Hermosa, the Boulders Resort and Superstitio ... More >>

Dancing With the Stars: Why, Kurt Warner? Why?

Kurt Warner​If you're an Arizona Cardinals fan, watching quarterback Derek Anderson try to throw a football on Sunday was hard enough. Watching the man he replaced -- and who many fans wish was still leading the team -- do the hustle on national television is just salt in the wound.The Cards' form ... More >>

Can the Cardinals Get the No. 2 Playoff Spot? They Gotta Beat Green Bay First

​There is a legitimate chance that the Arizona Cardinals could earn the No. 2 seed for the 2009 playoffs, but some things need to happen -- a lot of things.First and foremost, the Cards need to beat Green Bay on Sunday. Given everything else that needs to happen -- all of which are out of the Card ... More >>

School of Hard Knocks: Three-Sport Gamer Mike Nixon’s Tried It All, But Can the Whip-Smart ASU Defensive Star Make It to the NFL?

Arizona Cardinals Beat Down "Da Bears" in Chicago

www.thescroogereport.com​Kurt Warner's Jekyll and Hyde season has been nothing short of maddening. Last week, after giving up five interceptions and a fumble in the Cards' 34-21 loss to the Carolina Panthers, we were calling for Kurt's head (not to mention Coach Ken's pl ... More >>

Fire Whisenhunt: Arizona Cardinals Need a Solution to Their Offensive Woes. Here It Is.

Expect a lot more of this in '09.​ As Da Cards head to Chi-Town for a Soldier Field showdown with Jay Cutler and Da Bears on Sunday, many in Da PHX are still smarting from the Birds' 34-21 mugging by the Carolina Panthers and the world's worst quarterback, Jake Delhomme, last weekend in Gle ... More >>

Forget the Alamo: Arizona Cardinals Must Whup Hubris and the Houston Texans to Salvage Their Season

If Beanie can hold on to the ball, expect a breakout day for the rookie RB against the Texans.​ Three years ago, Suns fans considered Kobe Bryant's Los Angeles Lakers their personal bitches. Two years ago, D-Backers openly lampooned the hapless, pre-Joe Torre L.A. Dodgers. Last year, Arizon ... More >>

Kurt Warner's Entertaining All Offers, but He May Not Be Worth More Than the Arizona Cardinals are Offering to Anbody Else

Good question for the Cards. T-shirt sold through Moe Wampum, Inc .Okay, Kurt Warner's on the open market. He and the Arizona Cardinals, though talking, didn't come to terms on a contract before the free-agency deadline today. What does this mean? Well, he could go to another team, that' ... More >>

If Kurt Warner and His Agent Persist in Asking for Max Dollars for a 38-Year-Old QB, Maybe the Cardinals Should Go With Matt Leinart

Didn't we predict it would come to this? Yes we did, over and over. We said Kurt Warner would seek the highest salary possible following his improbable Super Bowl run, and that the Arizona Cardinals would resist. For two reasons: Because the Bidwills who own the franchise are known to be a tigh ... More >>

Morning After: Arizona Cardinals Come Oh-So-Close to Winning One of the Most Exciting Super Bowls Ever in Coach Ken Whisenhunt's Second Season

  The biggest game in Arizona Cardinals history -- the second-biggest in Arizona sports history -- is over, and what can we take away from it? Sure the Cardinals snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, but they certainly had the odds-makers in Vegas sweating. For the fourth g ... More >>

Arizona Cardinals Fans, You'd Better Get Ferocious or Steeler Nation Will Eat You Alive

On Sticking Up for the Legal Immigrants and Being 20 Years Behind the Times

Lo and Behold! The Arizona Cardinals Are Going to the Super Bowl Against the Pittsburgh Steelers

It was fourth and inches late in the fourth quarter, and it wasn't the play we would've called with our team down 25-24 in the NFC  Championship. But two running plays up the middle had yielded next to nothing. Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner takes the snap and hands off to&nb ... More >>

Grim Forecast: Arizona Cardinals at New England Patriots Sunday

The Arizona Cardinals got hammered by the Giants, dismembered by the Eagles, and just plain embarrassed by the Vikings. In between, they clinched the NFC West, guaranteeing themselves a home playoff game on the first weekend in January. It would be nice to go into the playoffs with momentum, and a ... More >>

Cardinals' Offensive Line's Pathetic in 35-14 Home Loss to Minnesota Vikings

Quarterback Kurt Warner was on his ass all day thanks to an Arizona Cardinals offensive line that couldn't have held off Brophy Prep. Offensive lines can make or break football teams, and Arizona's broke its team's back Sunday afternoon. It's a lucky thing no official stats ... More >>

Earth to Arizona Cardinals: Stay Focused Against Vikings on Sunday

Adrian Peterson and the Minnesota Vikings ain't nothing to eff with. Now that the Arizona Cardinals are division champeens for the first time in 33 years, we offer this plea: Don't screw this up, y'all. Though the Cards put a lockdown on the NFC West last weekend, there's still a lot to play for, ... More >>

Budget Beat: Harvey's -- The Wineburger King

I didn't plan my Thanksgiving very well. The missus and I were due at the palatial Scottsdale estate of a distant cousin at 4, but it was 1 and we were starving and had no food in the house. We'd been foraging for an open restaurant in central Phoenix for about an hour before the lightbulb went off ... More >>

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, January 25

The Curse

Here's why the Cardinals have sucked forever, and why they might never suck again

Juicy Taco Hell

The Cards sure played like wimps last year, but essentially naming their stadium Pussy Park?!

Rock 'n' Goal Music

Phoenix Coyotes music director reveals trade secrets on what sounds make Purple Palace fans howl

ALIVE and Kickin'

Refugees from around the world find common ground--and a few good rumbles--in a Valley soccer league of nations

Kid Pics for the week

BUDDY RYAN LEADS THE CARDINALS' JUGGER-NOT

THE PLUG IS PULLED

LOSING ISN'T EVERYTHING THE FOOTBALL TEAM AT CARL HAYDEN HIGH SCHOOL MAY NOT WIN GAMES, BUT ITS PLAYERS ARE STILL CHAMPIONS

WE LIKE MIKE

WHY SETTLE FOR A WEENIE FOOTBALL TEAM WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A BRATWURST FOOTBALL TEAM? HERE'S WHY MIKE DITKA MUST BE THE NEW COACH OF THE PHOENIX CARDINALS.

POP GOES THE REVOLUTIONARYTHOMAS MAPFUMO PREPS FOR AN INVASION OF THE WEST

CABBAGES AND KINGS