Chuck Norris

Keith Morris of OFF! On That Time The Band Got Arrested For Taking Used Cooking Oil in Phoenix

See also: OFF!'s Dimitri Coats Talks Phoenix Oil Theft Charges See also: Henry Rollins on Occupants, the Occupy Movement, and the RadioAnyone who's braved the blitzkrieg that is hardcore supergroup OFF!'s self-titled bruiser, released on Vice Records earlier this year, knows that Keith Morris fits a ... More >>

Weird Al Yankovic, Comerica Theatre, 8/5/12 (Video)

Weird Al Yankovic Comerica Theatre Sunday, August 5, 2012 "He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." -- Homer Simpson If some massive holocaust does, in fact, bring about Armageddon at the end of December, there are a few things that are guaranteed to survive the ginormous conflagration: Cock ... More >>

Model Behavior

Russell Pearce Blames Victims for Dark Knight Massacre

See also: Russell Pearce's Racism "Discovered" by Arizona's Media See also: Russell Pearce's Mexican-Bashing E-mails Slammed By Randy Parraz, Others Recalled, disgraced ex-state Senate President Russell Pearce's heart, or what little there is of it, goes out to the victims of the Dark Knight Rises ... More >>

Sheriff Arpaio's Most Ridiculous Moments of 2012 (Thus Far)

From an authoritative book review on a book he never actually read to backlash from a cockfight with Steven Seagal, it's been a busy first six months of 2012 for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. With the Fourth of July upon us, it's only right that we honor this self-anointed American hero with a ... More >>

Blue Wasabi's Rocks and Rolls: Can a Men's Night Succeed?

Here's the thing about Ladies' Night: It's not for the ladies. Sure, they enjoy the tangible benefits -- no cover, discounted or free drinks, the occasional clothing/salon/massage giveaway -- but the real genius of a night for ladies is that it draws in men. Bar owners know as well as anyone that ... More >>

John Rocker, of "Queer with AIDS" Fame, Comes Out of the Woodwork to Sell Books and Say "Thank God for Jan Brewer"

John Rocker, a former steroid-using homophobic relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves and other teams, still exists -- which is just about enough John Rocker news for one day.Unfortunately, he gave an interview to conspiracy theorists about his book and his love for Governor Jan Brewer, so we really ... More >>

Chuck Norris Just Loves Joe Arpaio

Chuck Norris -- the actor who rose to fame after getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon -- just loves Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.So much, in fact, that Norris recently penned a column praising the sheriff and condemning the typical members of the far-right-wing conspiracy-t ... More >>

Jiro Dreams of Sushi: Much More Than a Film about Dead Fish on Rice

Even if you think you don't like sushi, you should go see this movie. With luck it might encourage you to give sushi a shot. At worst your should at least walk away with some idea why sushi is so popular. Jiro Dreams of Sushi, a stunningly filmed documentary by director David Gelb, is much more th ... More >>

Victoria Jackson Goes From Comedy Heights to Being the Tea Party's Princess

Weekend Brunch at Boulders on Broadway

In an effort to make Mom proud, Chow Bella's taking a good, hard look at the most important meal of the day in the form of Scrambled, a weekly review of local breakfast spots. We love breakfast -- obviously -- but let's be real, breakfast options can get a little predictable. Althou ... More >>

Jan Brewer's Sniveling New Memoir Laughably Paints Her as a Tough-as-Nails Governor

Yelle

"Jon Kyl is One of Gaddafi's Sexy Female Ninja Guards," According to Stephen Colbert's Non-Factual Twitter-Town Crusade Against the Senator

www.time.comStephen Colbert invented "truthiness." Senator Jon Kyl redefined lying as a remark that's "not intended to be a factual statement." Colbert for Senate 2012.​Stephen Colbert, the late night dispenser of all things "truthiness," is continuing to wage war against Arizona Senator Jon Kyl o ... More >>

Congratulations, Ben Quayle: Chuck Norris Doesn't Want to Beat You Without Mercy

www.funny-tweets.com​Unlike the rest of us, Arizona Congressman Ben Quayle can rest easy -- Texas tough guy Chuck Norris doesn't want to kick his ass. In fact, the played-out punchline of endless jokes is diggin' him some Ben Quayle.The man who will "never have a heart attack because his heart isn ... More >>

March 22 In Blogs: Drunken Antics, South By Stateside, Devin Walsh, and the Arrogant Butcher

​​​In the 24-hour news cycle, it can be difficult to keep up. We have the solution. Check back on Valley Fever every evening for highlights from each of New Times' blogs. Today's entries:

Paul: Too Many Sci-Fi References, Not Enough Kristen Wiig

Canadian Man Pleads Guilty to Selling Fake Cancer Drugs in Arizona and Abroad

www.icanhazcheezburger.com Chuck Norris​At the federal courthouse in Phoenix this morning, a Canadian man pleaded guilty to selling counterfeit cancer medication over the Internet to victims in Arizona and as far away as Belgium.Hazim Gaber, 22, of Edmonton, Canada, pleaded guilty to f ... More >>

Coachella from Behind a Lens

Jonathan McNamaraCoachella 2010​A seething, primal mass of humanity jockeys for position in front of the main stage as the Indio sun beats down on Coachella 2010. They have moved beyond the point of patience and civility. Their shattered minds have but one thought as they claw toward the front of ... More >>

Bobcat Strangler Tells CBS 5 His "Death Grip" Kept Cat From Biting Him

​Yesterday, we told you about a man who strangled a rabid bobcat to death after the cat attacked him in the front lawn of his Crown Creek Trail home on Monday.Chuck Norris, eat your heart out, right?

For All He-Mankind

Macho tome offers proof that two heads are better than one

Lessons Learned from George Thorogood

Hot Links: Priest Booted, Coyotes Broke, Teen Tased

Police in Mesa are investigating what the East Valley Tribune's calling the city's first homicide of the year. The victim, Rick Glum, was stabbed to death in a West Mesa neighborhood . A motorist found Glum's body Sunday morning...Catholic priest Chris Carpenter has been excommunicated from the ... More >>

Nintendo’s Wii Fit wants you to believe that indoor exercise is fun

The Bird covers the waterfront on Sheriff Arpaio’s racial profiling patrols and demands freedom for First Friday bohos

Strange but true: Legal immigrants are known to rat out their undocumented countrymen

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, May 3, 2007

Arresting Development

Like Shaun of the Dead? This'll bust a cap in your arse

AZ Punk Chicks Are Hot!

Judging Andy

With leaders like Andrew Thomas, Joe Arpaio and Bishop Olmsted around, who says Arizona's a cruel place to live?!

Toss It Outback

Kangaroo Jack is a real punch in the pouch

Have Gun, Won't Travel

Bounty hunters with guns don't fly Southwest. And a brunette bombshell in Janet's ranks.

Under Siege

Why President Clinton and Bob Dole Are So Important

The Sauce Of His Content

Bluesman James Harman barbecues the blues on his latest LP Extra Napkins