Herman Cain

Arizona's Top 10 Appearances on the Colbert Report

The joke's on Arizona so much that we had to separate the state's best appearances on Comedy Central "news" shows into two lists.Last week, we brought you some of the best Arizona-themed segments from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Now, we've gone through the Colbert Report's archives, to bring yo ... More >>

2012 Republican National Convention Kicks Off in Tampa Next Week

See also: How to Speak Republican First, Republica's were enamored with George W. clone Texas Governor Rick Perry. Then they thought pizza guy Herman Cain was their man. Eventually, the roving finger pointed at Rick Santorum, and even Newt Gingrich (forget about Bachmann). But ultimately, boring Mo ... More >>

Joe Arpaio Thinks Tennessean Who Said Satan Told Him to Kill "Birthers" Might Be After Him

Remember the Tennessee weirdo who said Satan "ordered" him to kill "birthers" to spark a war between political parties in order to decrease the population in America?Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio issued a cry for attention press release saying that guy might be Arizona-bound.Arpaio has claimed ... More >>

Joe Arpaio Threat Leads to Probation for Tennessee Man; Actually Claimed Satan Told Him to Kill "Birthers" to Start a War

​The threat against Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio from some guy with a keyboard in Tennessee was apparently so serious that the sheriff's office says he was sentenced to probation.Arpaio has claimed Adam Eugene Cox is an "Obama fanatic" -- intel the sheriff says came from evident from what he ... More >>

Rick Santorum Schmoozing Joe Arpaio Today -- A Tactic Which Hasn't Exactly Been Successful

​Former U.S. Senator and presidential candidate Rick Santorum is meeting with Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio today -- at least, according to the sheriff -- to become the next in the line of GOP candidates to come kiss Arpaio's rings.According to Arpaio, or his flak, presidential candidates Mit ... More >>

Victoria Jackson Goes From Comedy Heights to Being the Tea Party's Princess

Arizona GOP Presidential Primary Likely Another Race For Second Place; Mitt Romney Holds Double-Digit Lead

​Arizona's GOP presidential primary, like New Hampshire's, will likely be another race for second place -- according to a recently released poll, former Massachusetts Governor (and one-time Joe Arpaio butt-smoocher) Mitt Romney has a double-digit lead over each of his opponents in the "Colt Single ... More >>

Record Heat by Brad Dwyer

​My favorite moment of Herman Cain's "That's it, I'm out of here" speech was when quoted Donna Summers' "Power of One," a favorite "poem" of us, and coincidentally, the theme from Pokémon 2000. Brad Dwyer features another kids show in this week's installment of Record Heat, the much-loved Y ... More >>

Fagala-Fearing Congressman Trent Franks Backs Michele "Pray Away the Gay" Bachmann in GOP Presidential Primary

​Arizona Congressman Trent Franks -- best known for his fear of homosexuals, his belief that black people were better off under slavery, and tackling the non-existent problem of race/gender-based abortions -- has endorsed his Congressional colleague Michele Bachmann in the GOP presidential prima ... More >>

Joe Arpaio Makes It Official: Rick Perry's the Sheriff's Horse in GOP Presidential Primary; Hispanic Groups Already Lashing Out at Perry

​Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio today ended months of speculation about who he'd support in the GOP presidential primary by officially throwing his weight behind Texas Governor Rick Perry.Arpaio is currently in New Hampshire campaigning with Perry, which is where he gave his official nod.  ... More >>

Herman Cain Never Hit On State Senator Lori Klein -- and She's "Not an Unattractive Woman"

​Question: What's Herman Cain's favorite pizza topping?Answer: pussy, duh!That's one of several jokes currently making the rounds on the Internet about the embattled GOP presidential candidate/former Godfather's Pizza CEO, who is currently reconsidering his run for the presidency amidst multiple a ... More >>

Joe Arpaio to Endorse Rick Perry for President? Yeah...We're Scratching Our Heads, Too

​Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, a man who's made a career out of bootin' brown folks back across the border, is reportedly going to endorse Rick Perry as the Republican nominee for president -- which is more than a little surprising (if it's true, that is), when you consider some of Perry's r ... More >>

Best Reader Caption For Photo of Herman Cain Brain-Farting: Bnbk

​Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Bnbk, you are the proud winner of this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.On Friday, we asked readers to provide what they think would be an appropriate caption for the above photo of presidential candidate Herman Cain b ... More >>

Best Reader Caption For Photo of Herman Cain Brain-Farting?

​Last week, we asked our readers to offer suggestions for an appropriate caption for the above photo of presidential candidate Herman Cain in the midst of a rather epic brain-fart for this week's New Times' You Write the Caption contest.If you missed Cain's cranial flatulence, click here to watc ... More >>

Herman Cain Brain-Farting in You Write the Caption

www.youtube.comYour Caption Here​In honor of presidential candidate Herman Cain's brain fart earlier this week, we've chosen the above photo of the former Godfather's Pizza CEO -- mid-brain-fart -- for this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.If you missed Cain's cranial flatulence when ... More >>

From Print: Blogs Teased in Our November 17 Issue

​This week, New Times ran a list in our print publication highlighting some of the most interesting posts published at Up On The Sun over the past week. Here are links to those posts. What does alt-comedian Tim Heidecker have to say about his Herman Cain-inspired album? Who's sporting our favor ... More >>

Worse Campaign Brain Fart: Herman Cain, Rick Perry, or Jan Brewer?

www.bumpybrains.com​Presidential candidate Herman Cain is the latest politico to join the campaign brain-fart club thanks to comments made to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's editorial board  -- which include "[I] got all this stuff twirling around in my head" -- when asked whether he agrees ... More >>

John McCain's "Very Disappointed" in GOP Presidential Candidates' Positions on Waterboarding

This is John McCain's "very disappointed" face.​Arizona Senator John McCain -- who spent the better part of five years getting tortured by North Vietnamese soldiers during the Vietnam War -- took to Twitter this morning to let some of his fellow GOPers know that he's "very disappointed" in t ... More >>

Watch Herman Cain's Jan Brewer-Esque Brain Fart Right Here *VIDEO*

Hmmm...Libya, huh? Let's see...yeah, I got nothin'.​Presidential candidate Herman Cain is the latest politico to suffer a public bout with brain flatulence -- an affliction with which Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is all too familiar.Cain recently met with the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's editorial ... More >>

Tim Heidecker of Tim & Eric talks Herman Cain, Heidecker & Wood, and Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

​Despite recent the recent gaff by Rick Perry, Herman Cain can has remained the most entertaining Republican presidential candidate to watch. Whether he's switching up the lyrics of John Lennon's classic song "Imagine" to "imagine there's no pizza" (no thank you, Mr. Cain) or the number of wo ... More >>

Winner of Best Reader Caption For Photo of Herman Cain and Joe Arpaio: InandOutinMaricopaCounty

James King'Before I begin I need your attention. The gentleman standing behind me was found wandering the streets and appears confused. He's about 80,can't remember his name or where he lives, and has a tattoo that reads "SB1070" on his shaft. If you can identify him, please call the Phoenix Poli ... More >>

Herman Cain: Latest Accuser, Sharon Bialek, Has "Long and Troubled History"

TMZHerman Cain's latest accuser, Sharon Bialek (right), and her headline-hungry attorney, Gloria Allred.​Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain remains on the attack when it comes to Sharon Bialek, the latest woman to accuse the former Godfather's Pizza CEO of sexual harassment.Cain plans t ... More >>

Herman Cain Claims He Doesn't Remember Ever Meeting Sharon Bialek; Blames "False Allegations" on "Democrat Machine"

James KingHerman Cain says he doesn't remember ever meeting his latest accuser, Sharon Bialek.​Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain met with reporters at a Scottsdale hotel this afternoon to address the most-recent sexual harassment allegations against him. According to Cain, he has no re ... More >>

Best Reader Caption for Photo of Herman Cain and Joe Arpaio?

James KingYour Caption Here​Last week, we asked our readers to offer suggestions for an appropriate caption for the above photo we snapped of presidential candidate Herman Cain and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio for this week's New Times' You Write the Caption contest..We had more than 40 re ... More >>

Herman Cain: Gloria Allred a Left-Wing "Activist." Will Address Sexual Harassment Allegations at Phoenix Press Conference

TMZHeadline-hungry attorney Gloria Allred (left) and Herman Cain's latest accuser, Sharon Bialek.​Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain claims that the most-recent allegations of sexual harassment against him could be the result of a cash-strapped woman and her left-wing "activist" attorne ... More >>

Herman Cain and Joe Arpaio in You Write the Caption

James KingYour Caption Here​In honor of the sexual harassment allegations against Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, we've opted to go with the above photo we snapped of Cain puckerin' up for Joe Arpaio's boo-tay for this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.Cain, as you may ... More >>

Poll: Barack Obama Leads All Republican Presidential Candidates in Arizona

www.punditkitchen.com​If next year's presidential election were held today, President Barack Obama would carry Republican-leaning Arizona, according to a recent poll.According to a Rocky Mountain poll released yesterday, Obama leads all possible Republican candidates in Arizona by at least a five- ... More >>

Henry Rollins on Occupants, the Occupy Movement, and the Radio

​There aren't a lot of middle-of-the-roaders when it comes to Henry Rollins. You love him or you hate him, and he gives you plenty of chances to do either: He hosts a radio show on KCRW (doing remarkable things like following up a Curtis Mayfield cut with a jam by Japanese drone-rockers Boris ... More >>

GOP Candidates and Their Theme Songs

​Herman Cain was served a tall order when this video leaked a few days ago. He's got a reputation to protect. That reputation: Future Chief Executive Pizza Man and past Godfather's Pizza CEO. Damn it, Americans love pizza. Who is he to hide his affection toward the garnished bread? He might as wel ... More >>

Herman Cain's Electric Border Fence Confusion Toonified

James KingHerman Cain is either joking about an electrified border fence...or he's serious about it...or he just doesn't want to offend anybody. ​Yesterday, we watched as GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain told reporters that comments he made about his plan to install an electrified fence on t ... More >>

Presidential Candidates Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain in Phoenix Today -- and We Wanna Grill 'Em. Question Suggestions, Please

www.tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.comCongresswoman Michele Bachmann and Herman Cain will be in Phoenix today.​Today, Republican presidential candidates Herman Cain and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann will both be in Phoenix to kiss a little GOP ass/talk about immigration issues.Bachmann will be ... More >>

Michele Bachmann: "America's Failure to Secure the Border is Now a Terrorism Issue"

James King Michele Bachmann with state Senate President Russell Pearce and Congressman Trent Franks. Yikes.​Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was in Phoenix this morning, where she met with local politicos at the State Capitol to talk about illegal immigration and, to quote Senator J ... More >>

Herman Cain Was Joking About Electrified Border Fence...Err, He Might Be Serious...Err, He Doesn't Want to Offend Anyone

James KingPresidential candidate Herman Cain might have been joking about building an electrified fence at the U.S. Mexico border -- we're still not sure.​Presidential candidate Herman Cain met with Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio this afternoon, but he was late to the meeting because of an unk ... More >>

Michele Bachmann Will Be Back in Arizona on Monday...to Meet With Russell Pearce

www.notmytribe.com Michele Bachmann deepthroating a corn dog is still hawt. A little crazy, but still hawt.​Last time Minnesota Congresswoman/presidential candidate Michele Bachmann was in Phoenix, she told reporters she plans to target Arizona in her bid to become the Republican nominee fo ... More >>

Herman Cain Coming to Phoenix to Pucker Up For Joe Arpaio

www.sodahead.comGodfather's Pizza CEO/Gop presidential candidate Herman Cain.​Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio met with leaders from the Methodist Border Mission Network at his Phoenix office this afternoon to discuss -- amongst other things -- some issues the group has with the sheriff's polici ... More >>

Which GOPer Will Joe Arpaio Endorse For the Presidency (A.K.A. Who Will Kiss His A$$ the Hardest)?

www.sodahead.com​When Republican candidates for president meet the pope, they only have to kiss his ring. As has apparently been decided by GOP political strategists, when they meet Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, they have to kiss his ass.According to Arpaio, four GOP presidential candidates ... More >>

Herman Cain's Solution to Immigration Problem: Alligator-Filled Moat and an Electrified Great Wall. Immigration Group Livid

Herman Cain wants to be president. He also wants to build an alligator-filled moat along the border.​Republican presidential candidate/Godfathers Pizza baron Herman Cain has a solution for the immigration problem currently plaguing the United States. It involves a moat, alligators, and a new take ... More >>

Bird Brains

Herman Cain Favored by Tea Partiers For Presidential Run. Take That, NAACP

www.projectqatlanta.comHerman Cain leads the pack of potential Tea Party presidential candidates.​The Tea Partiers were in Phoenix over the weekend for the group's first ever "American Policy Summit," and according to a straw poll conducted during the conference, Georgia businessman Herman Cain, a ... More >>

Feb. 28 In Blogs: Scottish Highland Games, Love Me Nots, AZ Beer Week, and Herman Cain

​​​In the 24-hour news cycle, it can be difficult to keep up. We have the solution. Check back on Valley Fever every evening for highlights from each of New Times' blogs. Today's entries:

They're Heeere; Tea Partiers Invade Phoenix

​If you're feeling a vibe in Phoenix today that's dramatically crazier more Conservative than usual, there's a reason: the Tea Partiers have arrived.Thousands of Tea Partiers are flocking to Phoenix today for the first ever "American Policy Summit."Sarah Palin, as we noted last week, will not be i ... More >>

Sarah Palin Ditching Phoenix Tea Party Convention to Watch Snow Machine Race. Shucks!

www.yourfunnystuff.comYou betchya Sarah Palin's going to the Iron Man Snow Machine Race, which means she's not joining her fellow Tea Partiers in Phoenix next week.​Tea Partiers from across the country will be flocking to Phoenix next week for the group's first ever "American Policy Summit." Soun ... More >>

Second Helpings