The home of Rice-A-Roni, the Golden Gate Bridge and a bevy of fabulous gays was host to the third night of pre-Hollywood American Idol auditions, and can we agree on one thing right off the bat? Yes, yes, there was the excitement of the Inauguration, but isn't it really Akilah Askew-Gholston's AI audition that really defined our collective weeks?The skunk-colored braids and highwater pants held up with giant suspenders were bad enough, but horrible clothing can be forgiven if you've got the pipe
I like to compare "Group Night," during Hollywood Week of American Idol, to what I've heard it's like to give birth: You look forward to it at first, because it seems like it should be so drama-filled and juicy and fun to watch. And then you start to watch (or go into labor, if you're sticking with me through my awkward analogy) and it hits you: Group Night is completely and utterly torturous and scream-inducing. (Where's the dude with the epidural when you need him?)
Paula's necklace scares the bejesus out of us.So before we delve into Tuesday night's episode of Idol, I need to pose one very pressing question: What the eff was Paula wearing around her neck?! Abdul has worked some pretty funky neckwear over the span of Idol, but this particular piece of hardware takes the proverbial cake. It looked as if she accidentally threw all of her silverware in a trash compactor, saw the results, and went, "Oooooh, pretty! A necklace I shall make!" Either that, or it
So after sitting through two hours of complete pap Tuesday night as American Idol's first group of 12 attempted to stay on key long enough to get halfway-decent remarks from the judges, you'd think we'd deserve a break, right? In the Land of the Sea-douche, however, there is no rest for the weary, and so we were forced to sit through an hour-long results show Wednesday night that could have taken all of 30 seconds using Michael Scott's method of naming people on The Office (check it starting at
There was never really too much doubt that Scottsdale's Scott MacIntyre would make the Idol Top 12, but last night "America" (as Seadouche condescendingly refers to the tiny percentage of the American population that actually watches the show) made it official. Scotty the Body (as Seadouche condescendingly refers to Scott) has one of the coveted 12 spots, so the Valley has its first 'Idol' hopeful to root for since David Hernandez and his inconvenient banana hammock wearing past and Brooke White
