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GOODBYE, COOL WORLD

Hot Off the Empress

An exotic dancer hopes herself-help tome gives her sisters a place on the table

Roux Confessions

An exotic dancer hopes herself-help tome gives her sisters a place on the table

Dead Bread Rising

Break pan with the muerto

Scape Goat

Innovation takes a dirt nap -- again

Summer Guide: The Geography of Bliss is the one book about happiness you should read this summer

Innovation takes a dirt nap -- again

Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" Updated for Sheriff Joe Arpaio by "dude"

See the new lyrics for this song by "dude" below -- after the jump, if you're in the abridged version. Once in a long while, a commenter emerges from this blog who befuddles other blogilla gorillas, an anonymous wing-nutty tard who shakes things up with his (or her)masturbatory use of th ... More >>

Caffiend: Jolt's Wild Grape Endurance Shot

Jolt Cola, created in 1985, was the first soda to contain obscene amounts of sugar and caffeine, well before the first "energy drinks" started to hit store shelves. So it's not unrealistic to expect Jolt's new Endurance Shots to offer a high-octane rush superior to other energy shots, such as the "5 ... More >>

T.I. Proves Why He's the King

Luke HolwerdaIt's been an interesting career for Bankhead/Atlanta-based rapper T.I. He's currently weathering the brunt of charges brought against him for illegally owning three unregistered firearms, a part of his life he was not shy to mention while onstage at the Celebrity Theatre on Sunday night ... More >>

Sharper Images

Alt photography’s Dalai Lama picks the winners

Booze Pig’s off on a jaunt to Tallyho! Cocktail Lounge

Alt photography’s Dalai Lama picks the winners

Trite Christmas

Our design columnist wouldn't have it any other way

Thyme Flies

Our design columnist wouldn't have it any other way

Lady of Spain

Tapas-notch

Bad Medicine

Locking up cold medicine makes the politicians feel good -- but it won't put a dent in Arizona's meth habit

BEAT IT:

Quitting for dummies

School's Out!

Teens Adam Panic and Scary Kids Scaring Kids are better than your average baby acts -- way better.

Coffee, Tea or Mead?

Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned human sacrifice? Pagans today are such wimps.

Grape Nuts

Wine, don't whine, with the unpretentious fun at Atlas Bistro

Pay Chex

What does your contribution to the office potluck say about you?

Arts of the West

What does your contribution to the office potluck say about you?

White Supremacist Suspected of Stabbing Black Man Denies Accusation

Channel 10 news (KSAZ-TV) aired a jailhouse interview last week with Chad Kerns, the tattooed white supremacist accused of stabbing a black man at a Walgreen's store. Without ever getting too specific, Kerns says he was at the scene of the crime with other suspects but didn't assault anyone. Kerns ... More >>

Hot Links: Home Invasions, Sarah Palin, and Oprah Winfrey

Incoming Arizona Board of Regents president Ernest Calderon is proposing a plan that would cut the cost of four-year degrees. The proposal would allow students to attend community college for three years, and then an Arizona university their final year...A Mesa woman reportedly shot two home inv ... More >>

Death to Chocolate in Phoenix?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/misbehave/Lately, it's gotten downright impossible to get a chocolate fix in Phoenix. Sure, you can still find a Milky Way at Walgreen's, but we're not looking for the waxy stuff that you'd find in a 5-year-old's trick or treat bag. We want our chocolate grown up ... More >>

Male Pattern Bonding

Sorry, guys. It’s still about what women want.

Tempe's 'Fresh & Easy' Mystery

Remember all those eager reports in the news last fall ballyhooing the arrival of a Fresh & Easy Neighborhood Market just a mile from downtown Tempe? The grocery chain was applying to the Tempe City Council for a liquor license. It sounded delightful, but more than six months later the building ... More >>

Hot Links: Cardinals, the Blue Basket Bandit, and Alcor

​In a football preseason opener, the Arizona Cardinals lost 10-20 to the Pittsburgh Steelers, on Steeler turf last night. The Cardinals' only touchdown in the game was fourth-string quarterback Tyler Palko's 20-yard pass to Onrea Jones...A hiker has died in the Grand Canyon after running out of wa ... More >>

Chandler Police Searching for Man Believed to Have Stolen More Than $10k Worth of Cosmetics

Chandler police believe this is the man who has stolen more than $10,000 worth of makeup from local cosmetics stores.​Chandler is facing a few problems right now. First: Someone is going around stealing makeup from local cosmetics stores. Second: Police suspect it's a middle-aged man. Chandler ... More >>

Illegal Alien Costume Gets Yanked From Store Shelves for Being Offensive

www.hamptonroads.com​It turns out illegal alien Halloween costumes aren't even welcome in Arizona -- or America for that matter.Two different "illegal alien" Halloween costumes have been yanked off the shelves of retail stores because consumers say they are offensive. As far as we know, the remova ... More >>

Easley's Fun Shop Sells Out of Illegal Alien Costume. Is the Costume Racist? Nah.

From a 2008 anti-Arpaio demo: This alien is definitely pro-immigration I dialed up the venerable Phoenix costume and party supply store Easley's Costumes and Fun Shop to see if they had one of the illegal alien outfits currently causing a stir, and if anyone was raising Cain about it. I spoke ... More >>

Health Department Turns to Google to Help Stop the Spread of Pig Flu. Is There Anything Google Can't Do?

wwwuthpastor.com ​ Google has made it possible for the average person to see their house from space, get a 360 degree view of almost any street in the country, and now the company is taking on swine-flu. The Arizona Department of Health Services announced today that it is partnering with ... More >>

Top 5: Worst Gifts for Foodies

Avoid this.​We love to cook. We love good food. So why do people claiming to understand our passion give us Chili's gift cards, elf aprons and used chocolate body paint? It's not their fault, really. They just need a little help. That's why, this holiday season, we've done the dirty work for you a ... More >>

"Blue Basket Bandit" Strikes Again! Makeup Thief Resurfaces to Loot Chandler Drug Store

This man is suspected of stealing more than $10,000 worth of cosmetics from Valley Walgreens drug stores.​He's baaack!The Chandler makeup thief known to Chandler cops as "the blue basket bandit" has struck again, after being dormant for nearly six months.For the last 2 1/2 years, an unknown ... More >>

Spanish Conversation Hearts: A Sign of the Times

​We were delighted to see something new (to us, at least) in the Valentine aisle at Walgreen's -- conversation hearts in Spanish, alongside the traditional English variety. Sadly, when we ripped into the bag, we couldn't help but notice how piss-poor the quality was.

Courtney Bisbee Is Assaulted in Prison, and a Band of Skinhead-Collaring Cops Gets Busted Up

​We were delighted to see something new (to us, at least) in the Valentine aisle at Walgreen's -- conversation hearts in Spanish, alongside the traditional English variety. Sadly, when we ripped into the bag, we couldn't help but notice how piss-poor the quality was.

Chandler Makeup Thief -- a.k.a. the Infamous "Blue Basket Bandit" -- Busted, Police Say

Chandler PDAnthony Hamilton​They got him."The Blue Basket Bandit," who police say is responsible for wreaking havoc on makeup aisles at several Chandler-area pharmacies, has been arrested, police say.The alleged culprit: 34-year-old Phoenix resident Anthony R. Hamilton.Chandler police Detective Da ... More >>

Blue Basket Bandit Stole Makeup to Fuel Drug Habit, Court Docs Show

Anthony Hamilton​People do a lot of crazy shit to get their hands on drugs but the "Blue Basket Bandit" may be one of the only junkies to steal eyeliner to fuel his habit.According to court documents obtained by New Times, Anthony Hamilton copped to being the infamous bandit after his arrest yeste ... More >>

Surprise Pharmacy Robbed at Gunpoint. Robber Takes Pills, Leaves Cash

​If you're going to all the trouble of committing armed robbery -- even if you're really only looking for prescription pills -- you might as well take some cash, too.Ya see, pill-poppers, once you polish off the pharmies you rob, you can often use money to buy more -- kind of a two-birds-one-stone ... More >>

Grow Upside-Down Tomatoes: A Step by Step Guide

Jay Wiggins ​Have you ever bit into a store-bought tomato and tasted...nothing?  Some remedies: buy tomatoes at the farmer's market (which can get expensive) or grow your own.  Sure, there are a lot of excuses people give for not growing their own produce, namely: I don't have sp ... More >>

Vinlanders Vanquished: Phoenix PD's Career Criminal Squad Crushes White Supremacist Gang in Arizona

The Vinlanders Social Club, out of business in AZ because of the Career Criminal SquadAccording to records on file with the Maricopa County Superior Court, the investigators of the Phoenix Police Department's elite Career Criminal Squad, with the assistance of the local Anti-Defamation League,& ... More >>

Would-Be Armored-Car Robber Shot in Groin During Getaway

​As one of our colleagues pointed out yesterday, you should never bring a Taser to a gun fight -- or an armored-car robbery, for that matter.Yesterday, we told you about an attempted armored-car robbery in Phoenix. It was reported that the suspect in the robbery was shot by the courier but that in ... More >>

"Honest" Meth Head Busted for Presenting Bogus Prescription at Walgreens with Ex-Girlfriend's ID

Maricopa County Sheriff's OfficeWho keeps their ex-girlfriend's ID? Methheads.​According to a Maricopa County Sheriff's Deputy, Isabel Beltran is one of the more-honest meth heads in the valley -- even though she was using an ex-girlfriend's ID and a forged prescription to buy drugs for a mysterio ... More >>

Alice Cooper Got To Meet Lady Gaga

​Alice Cooper got what we imagine to be the thrill of his life over the weekend when he got to meet the one and only Lady Gaga.The news broke yesterday. Gaga, of course, was in Phoenix over the weekend for a concert at US Airways (review video here).Someone let the grizzled old goat, who wa ... More >>

In Which the Bassist from Coheed and Cambria Holds Up a Walgreens With a Bomb for Some Oxycontin

New York PostCoheed and Cambria bassist Mic Todd​You guys heard this one, right? The one about how Michael "Mic" Todd -- the bassist from prog-rockers Coheed and Cambria -- robbed a Massachusetts Walgreens claiming he had a bomb for some bottles of Oxycontin this past Sunday? Yeah, I wish I was ma ... More >>

Top Five Musician Arrests

Rapper DMX, after his arrest in June, 2004​As we reported yesterday,  Mic Todd, the bass player for metal band Coheed and Cambria, was arrested on Sunday at a venue in Massachusetts where the band was scheduled to play. Todd's alleged crime? He reportedly walked into a Walgreens, claimed he h ... More >>

MIM Exhibit The Power of Music: Photographic Portraits of Americans and Their Musical Instruments 1860-1915 Opens This Weekend

Augustus Henry, African-American woman with guitar, Prescott , Arizona. Image reproduced from original Paris card, c. 1890s​On Saturday, September 24, the Musical Instrument Museum is scheduled to open "Power of Music: Photographic Portraits of Americans and Their Musical Instruments 1860-1915." ... More >>

Kickin' It: Artists Who Have Kicked Fans Out of Shows or Gotten Themselves Kicked Out

"Get the fuck out of my show right now!" Tell it like it is, Dave Grohl.​Every so often, you find yourself at the same concert as that one guy who's an attention-hungry douchebag that starts a fight in the crowd. At some shows you sort of expect it, but it seems to happen all the time.Some serious ... More >>

Amy S.'s The Holidays Really Take Their Toll (House) Cookies

Cookie dough porn. ​Our latest Chow Bella showdown: a traditional holiday cookie exchange. Today: our final entry, Amy Silverman's "The Holidays Really Take Their Toll (House) Cookies."   Let's face it: You've made it this far in the holiday season and all you really want right now is ... More >>

Jhessye Shockley Disappearance: Police to Start Searching Landfill For Body February 6

Glendale Police DepartmentGlendale police suspect the body of 5-year-old Jhessye Shockley is in a landfill south of the Valley.​Glendale police announced this morning that investigators will start searching a landfill south of the Valley for the body of missing 5-year-old Jhessye Shockley on Febru ... More >>

Jhessye Shockley Disappearance: Search Of Landfill For 5-Year-Old's Body Starts Today

Glendale Police DepartmentGlendale police suspect the body of 5-year-old Jhessye Shockley is in a landfill south of the Valley.​Authorities have begun searching a landfill south of the Valley for the remains of missing 5-year-old Jhessye Shockley.Shockley was reported missing in October. Glendale ... More >>