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Bikini Beans Espresso to Open Saturday in Phoenix. Hooray.

Meet the newest baristas in the Phoenix coffee scene -- in uniform.
Meet the newest baristas in the Phoenix coffee scene -- in uniform.

We often feel the desire to wear bathing suits instead of clothing to work when temperatures break triple digits, but we don't do it because gross. As some coffee brewers and roasters in town (Cartel, Press, and Giant) elevate the coffee experience, a new coffee drive-thru called Bikini Beans Espresso will hit the Phoenix caffeine scene -- and knock it down a few pegs.

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Let's be real here: It's not about the coffee. It's evident because there's no information readily available on who even roasts the Bikini Beans, though there are references to Espressions on Bikini Beans' Facebook page. Further evidence comes in the form of a specialty drink called the Twisted Bikini Redbull [sic], which is a nauseating-sounding blend of Red Bull, strawberry syrup, vanilla syrup, and orange juice to get you pepped and perky. There also will be coffee and smoothies and stuff.

One commenter summed up the whole issue with this place on the Bikini Beans Facebook page:

"I'm not a coffee drinker at All! But I can't wait to have a cup of coffee at the new bikini coffee shop!!!!!! I love the Columbia blend!!!"

Yikes. Look, it's not that we hate fun. It's just that until all work places allow a pants-free environment, we don't ever want to have to watch our barista traipse around in a bikini. Some things are just too much too handle before our morning cuppa.

In any case, if you want to try out Bikini Beans Espresso, the drive-thru, located at 2330 North Seventh Street, will be at 7 a.m. Saturday, May 17.

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