When Easter candy season rolls around, you fall into one of two camps: You either love Cadbury crème eggs, or you think they're a novelty good for little more than frying up aside toast and tea for a laugh. Personally, we count down the days until these crème-filled chocolate eggs hit the market.
We have a bit of an OCD ritual for consuming one of these things. We bite off the top and lap at the fondant center like a deranged cat, nibbling down the sides of the egg in a circular motion until nothing remains but a little chocolate nubbin. In theory, it may sound pretty hot. After all, we did just make a pussy reference.
But we assure you the whole process is pretty disgusting to witness. It's Liz Lemon sexy, not Tina Fey sexy.
So this year when we saw not one, but eight different types of crème egg on the market, we pulled a greedy dog move and snatched one of each to goggle up. That's when we learned that not all crème eggs are created equal, and that consuming eight crème eggs is enough to make your teeth hurt just thinking back on it.
To save you the same crushing disappointment, we present the penultimate crème egg rankings:
8. Absolutely Divine Crème Egg--ROTTEN
7. Russell Stover's Peanut Butter Crème Egg--ROTTEN
If that damn bunny put this in our Easter basket as a kid, we would firmly petition that Payton Curry offer his all rabbit menu every Easter season. (Don't go full vegan yet, Payton!) Take that, you masochistic Easter bunny.
5. Cadbury's Orange Crème Egg--ROTTEN
We can see the rationale behind it; if Santa can bring the kiddos orange flavored chocolate wedges, then why can't a wascally wabbit get away with it? Because it tastes like orange furniture polish dipped in chocolate. That's why.
4. Russell Stover's Dark Chocolate Crème Egg--FRESHER
While it didn't taste like jellied corn syrup product, it was also still a far cry from a luscious ganache or a truffle-like filling. Why Russell Stover didn't just sub their regular old truffle filing is a mystery, because this still isn't not good enough to waste calories on.
3. Cadbury's Caramel Crème Egg--FRESHER
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A thick, rich caramel with just a hint of saltiness rounded out this Easter gem, restoring our faith in the possibility of a good crème egg. Although we would have preferred if the flavor was a bit less Mars bar and a bit more Caramello. If the filling had been just a little less tacky and a bit smoother, this egg could have been a contender.
2. Cadbury's Original Crème Egg--EGGCELLENT!
In the end, the fondant center was just a little too heavy compared to the lighter, fluffier marshmallow caramel egg. The chocolate on all of the Cadbury eggs was also a bit on the thick side compared to Russell Stover's eggs--which isn't say too much since by and large Stovers' offerings tasted like bunny farts--further weighing down the already dense egg.
1. Russel Stover's Marshmallow Caramel Egg-- EGGCELLENT!
A caramel-filled Peep.
Be still our beating hearts, it's an Easter candy miracle!