Candy for fat people, beer for kids

Kids' beer: Now all you need is a pack of candy cigarettes

Here's more edible wackiness with weird packaging, this time from Fujiya Market in Tempe. Not sure which product cracks me up more, so I'll share both with you.

First, "Kodomo no Nomimono," an apple-flavored soda from Japan. The name translates to "Children's Drink," but let's face it: The resemblance to beer ain't no accident. It's pretty good, actually -- not too sweet, and sudsy just like real brew, so the kiddies can say "kampai" along with mom and pop. I had picked up a couple of 'em a few weeks ago -- they also carry a retro-looking girl version -- but this was the first time I found the drink in a can. (Real beer in a can? No thanks, pal. I love Blue Velvet as much as the next guy, but Frank Booth can keep his PBR. Fake kids' beer in a can? Hell yes!)

I also discovered "Moyaseru Ame", an entertaining "special support candy" that implies you'll be burning off the fat with every piece you eat (they recommend 3 or 4 pieces a day). Before long, you, too, can look like the winsome manga waif on the bag.

Out of all the Japanese candy I've tried -- and that's way more than I want to admit -- this is some of the absolute worst, a granular little hard candy with a half-assed peppermint flavor. There's supposed to be red pepper in there somewhere, but I can't taste it, and so far I don't think I'll drop a size the next time I buy pants. Well, maybe it wasn't a total waste of money -- after all, the candy is "a compact size in the mouth" and "herb flavor makes (me) relaxed." Good comedy value.

Fire woman: You're to blame for my sugar addiction

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