Dunkin' Donuts Rolls Out "Hearty" Snack Menu: From Breakfast to Blech!

This is "hearty?"
This is "hearty?"

On Monday, Dunkin' Donuts introduced a new line of menu items under two bucks called "Hearty Snacks," which include an apple pie, cheddar cheese and cinnamon raisin bagel twists, and cheeseburger and pepperoni and cheese stuffed breadsticks.

Well, that sounds like a nice...hey, huh? What? Why?

Research, yo! DD says its citing a 2010 report that found 55 percent of consumers snack at least once a day and that 21 percent say they are now snacking more frequently than they were two years ago.

Great, I get it, more snacking equals new chow items. But stuffed cheeseburger breadsticks? With coffee? Where's the research on that? And what's with the "hearty" name from a bunch of foodstuffs that look like they escaped from the Circle K? That's not hearty, DD, that's ho-hum.

Oh, okay, I'll try 'em. How bad could these possibly be?

GREAT GOOGLY DAY, NO!!!

(Ahem.)

Bagel Twists Available in cheddar cheese and cinnamon raisin, about a foot long and hard as hell, biting into one and then trying to rip off a bite puts you somewhere between "dog with rope toy" and "electroshock patient." It also serves as hilarious entertainment to anyone watching.

Your $1.39 is better spent on: a dog toy.

Stuffed Breadsticks Available in pepperoni and cheese and friggin' cheeseburger, the good news is you have to get through a bunch of hard, burned bread before you hit the fillings. The bad news is, you hit the fillings. I don't know what I was eating, but it wasn't a cheeseburger, or pepperoni, or even cheese. If more than five minutes were spent developing the "flavor profile" of these snack atrocities, someone's ass needs to be canned.

Your $1.59 is better spent on: anything else, seriously.

Apple Pie I'm happy to say DD's apple pie ($1.29) was the bright spot in their otherwise "Blech!" line of new snacks. Like a Pillsbury Toaster Strudel sans the icing, the crust was soft (surprise!), and the innards packed a decent bite of apples and cinnamon with each bite.

Plus, hello, pie and coffee, yo. Now there's a snack from Dunkin Donuts that makes sense.

What do you say Dunkin' Do-Rights? Had any items off the new snack menu yet? What did you think?


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