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Hell's Kitchen Season 8, Episode 2: The Prison Years

Someone's gonna get shanked in the chow line.
Someone's gonna get shanked in the chow line.

Here's a fun game to play while watching Hell's Kitchen this season: Close your eyes and pretend it's a prison reality show. You won't be disappointed.

Last night's episode started with a bunch of EMT's busting through the doors of Hell's Kitchen at five in the morning to wake up the chef-testants and give them physical evaluations while anyone having chest pains in the greater Los Angeles area was getting a busy tone. Gordon Ramsay then announces there's nothing physically wrong with the chefs, it's all mental, and to get their asses moving to cook breakfast for 50 EMT's (we're sorry, your chest-pain call cannot be answered at this time, please call again later...)

Roll prison reality tape here...(spoiler alerts ahead!)

After missing pineapple, burnt bacon, and Raj sticking his head in the fridge (again) to cool off, the Red Team wins and as a punishment prize, gets to go to trapeze school. Blue team gets to clean.

One Ghandi flip-flop, please.
One Ghandi flip-flop, please.

At dinner service, Chef Ramsay asks Raj to stay out of the fridge (hey, maybe there are ice cream sandwiches in there!) and announces to the teams that it will be cocktail night tonight because making cocktails is something every trained chef knows how to do and it's super-important to their careers. The highpoint of dinner service comes when Ramsay tells Melissa her fish looks like Gandhi's flip-flop and needs-to-be-a-cartoon-voice Jillian informs us that Gandhi never wore flip-flops and lived in the jungle. Apparently, Gandhi and Tarzan are easy to get messed up. Our bad.

After Blue Team Raj eats a bunch of rejected food, fails miserably at preparing salmon, and cooks all the entrees before he should have, Chef Ramsay, in true FOX style, claims the Red Team the losers and then pulls a "surprise" by eliminating Raj instead of Baby Spice Sabrina and dead-eyes Emily. FOX Surprise! The plant/sad man is gone! Everyone breathes a sigh of relief even though most of them are just as pathetic and mentally unstable.

Can't you all go home?
Can't you all go home?

The next day, thanks to Gail's under-seasoned dish, the Blue Team wins the ravioli challenge and gets to go to a resort via helicopter where super-smart, kids camp cook Louis tells us it's not like being in a plane (WHAT?) and that it's like you're Superman (if Superman hovered and wore headphones.) Fast-forward through the Red Team's milking cows and the Blue Team's playing golf to super-creepy-anger-issues Trevor back at the dorm asking Gail if she wants to make out. (Throwing up a little in your mouth is okay and perfectly natural.)

At dinner service, it's Italian Night and Vinny has put extra drops of oil in his hair to celebrate along with the prize of having his Ravioli on the menu. Even with Jack Osbourne and a "proposal table" in the dining room, things go horribly wrong with Ramsay sending Boris out of the kitchen for washing dishes, Louis out for thinking a helicopter is like Superman, and declaring that the food is dying. Both teams lose.

"Get back to camp!"
"Get back to camp!"

Sabrina, Melissa, Boris, and Louis are on the chopping block and even after Louis sucks up to Gordon Ramsay by telling him he'd stick his hand in fire if he told him to (desperate, much?) Ramsay eliminates him anyway. In his exit interview Louis says the hardest part of leaving Hell's Kitchen is to face his kids which, like most things Louis says, makes zero sense. Why? Do they watch the show? Unlike adults, aren't kids the most forgiving souls on the planet?

Tune in next week when Sabrina, who's now gone from Baby Spice to "ghetto-ass bitch," brings it, prison-style.


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