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'Honey Boo Boo's' Sketti: We Made It, Here's What It Tastes Like. (Hint: It Will Ruin Ketchup For You)

All the best recipes use only three ingredients, right?
All the best recipes use only three ingredients, right?
Zach Fowle

If there ever was a sign that Americans are getting dumber and the apocalypse is nigh, it's the popularity of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It should tell you something when both the Democratic and Republican conventions fail to garner higher TV ratings than the antics of former Toddlers and Tiaras star Alana 'Honey Boo Boo Child' and her family of enablers.

See also: The Unofficial Downton Abbey Cookbook

Now, I do not watch the show. my editor says it's highly addictive, which does not surprise -- things that are bad for you usually are. My interest lies mainly in what the Thompson family chooses to eat. The topic of food arises occasionally on the show -- over the course of the series, we've learned Honey Boo Boo has a fondness for roadkill washed down with "Go Go Juice," a blend of Mountain Dew and Red Bull -- but none of these have been as horrifying as Sketti.

On the September 12 episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Mama Thompson revealed that she loves to cook, and that like any chef, she has her specialties. Normally her fare involves meat that's been tenderized by the grill of a car, but apparently there's a down roadkill economy in Georgia. So Mama made do with her second-best secret recipe, a delicacy whose name she announced without a hint of irony or cuteness: Sketti.

What it is: a sauce of microwaved ketchup and Country Crock ladled over pasta. Out of obligation and morbid curiosity, I cooked it. And I ate it.

Here comes runny poo poo.
Here comes runny poo poo.

It tastes like what it is: ketchup, butter and noodles. Which isn't bad, per se. If you like ketchup -- and lordy, I do -- you won't mind the feeling of eating spoonful after spoonful of the stuff. But when mixed with melted faux butter and heated in the microwave, it becomes something not for the faint of heart. My roommates, who have lesser stomachs than I, took one whiff of the mixture and gagged. Here's the recipe as I cooked it:

  • 8 tbsp. Country Crock Original
  • 8 tbsp. Kroger Band Ketchup
  • 8 oz. Spaghetti Noodles

The dish serves two, which, when added up, gives you this nutritional content per person:

Calories: 720 Fat: 32 g. Sodium: 1240 mg. Carbs: 148 g.

Not "reckless child endangerment" levels, though you do get half the recommended fat of the day (with way more than a good helping of it saturated) plus half of your recommended sodium. But permit me to get philosophical for a minute, for I see a deeper connection here. The dish can be likened, in a way, to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo itself. The food the Thompson family eats is a metaphor for their show -- filling, but with no substance. And too much ketchup.

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