There are few food products out there that have the addictive power of Nutella®. Forget that radio commercial featuring a saucy granny using four-letter words to explain the secret of her cooking: We put this shit on everything, from pound cake and crackers to chicken (via an adulterated mole sauce).
It's billed as "the original hazelnut spread," probably because "the chocolate-flavored crack of condiments" wouldn't pass PR approval. With a little search of the Interwebs, and some extra help from Instructables.com, Cooking Virgin devised a simple recipe for making your own mock Nutella® at home.
What You'll Need:
1 7 oz. bag of raw hazelnuts, chopped
1 10 oz. package of dark chocolate chunks with 60-70% cocoa content
1 small can condensed milk
1/2 cup whole milk
1/2 tsp olive oil
Read on, and find out how you can feed your addiction in just a few simple steps.
The Virgin's DeStructions:
1. Toast hazelnuts for about 10 minutes in a 350-degree oven and cool.
2. Using a food processor, pulse chopped hazelnuts until they form a paste similar in texture to creamy peanut butter.
Tip: If you don't have a food processor, get creative. Use a blender, borrow a processor from a friend, or if you're the Virgin, go down to your local video gaming palace and trade in a boatload of tickets for a cheap food chopper they're offering in the prize display.
3. After an hour or so of pulsing and stopping and moving the nuts around with a spoon -- when the mixture is still dry as hell and about as creamy as a jar of sand -- give in and add a little drizzle of whatever oil you have handy (a nut-based oil works best, but olive oil will do in a pinch). That will cut your pulsing time and make the nuts cream up quickly.
Set the nut butter aside.
|A ghetto double boiler works just as good as the real thing.|
4. Place chocolate in the top half of a double boiler over medium heat. If your kitchen isn't already stocked with a double boiler and you're too
lazy or cheap busy to go get one, make a "ghetto boiler" by placing one small metal pot inside another slightly larger pot filled with boiling water.
5. Stir chocolate frequently until melted and smooth. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and add hazelnut butter. Mix well.
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6. Add the can of condensed milk and stir, stir, stir until it feels like your hand is about to fall off.
7. Warm the other milk (whole or 2% milk, if you've already realized this spread has enough fat and calories to instantly blow you up like a balloon so a few more won't matter, or skim if you're doing it the "original" spread's way) in a small saucepan and add to chocolate mixture until you reach desired consistency.
The results: Our version of the tasty cocoa spread turned out better than anticipated. While it's a little thicker and darker than the original (and slightly lumpier), it was a worthy substitute: rich, yet not overly sweet, with a strong nutty taste. And judging by the spoon marks that showed up in the spread the morning after making it, it's still best when eaten straight out of the container.