Suicidal Junkie Porn Star Cookies: Girl Scouts Are Selling Savannah Smiles™

Chow Bella does not intend heartless disrespect toward the loved ones of any suicidal junkie porn stars, particularly of the late Savannah née Shannon Michelle Wilsey, who reportedly took her porn name from her favorite film, 1982's Savannah Smiles, which starred a little girl named Bridgette Andersen who also grew up to be a heroin addict (but not a porn star) and took a fatal "accidental overdose" at the age of 21.

We are sorry for everyone's loss -- and if Pauly Shore had told us he'd marry us if we got clean, as he allegedly did Savannah, we might have held a 9mm to our temple, as well. (We're sorry for Shore's loss, too.)

But this is all too weird not to mention -- mostly because the Girl Scouts of the USA (not America; thanks to the reader who caught that) are now selling a cookie named after this very film. (The phrase has even been trademarked.)

Suicidal Junkie Porn Star Cookies: Girl Scouts Are Selling Savannah Smiles™

It's Girl Scouting's 100th anniversary in the U.S., founder Juliette Low was from Savannah, Georgia, the cookie is half-moon-shaped, like a smile, and maybe a lot of current adults fondly remember the movie and GSUSA didn't bother to look into it any further? (GSUSA claims that the licensed bakeries name most of the cookies, so maybe someone at Little Brownie Bakers is taking the piss.) We're stumped -- stumped!

The film is almost undoubtedly better known for its porn connection than for its earnest '80s chops as the story of a politician's neglected young daughter who runs away from home and winds up hiding in the car of two not-very-bright criminals who wind up being sought in her "kidnapping." Über-talented hipster band Okkervil River has also released three songs about actress Savannah, including one, on the album The Stage Names, that's called "Savannah Smiles," probably just to make us look all of this up.


(It's not the best song on the disc, but it's pretty dang catchy.)

Savannah made 119 adult flicks (listed on this absolutely not-safe-for-work-or-mixed-company page) and remains popular to this day among fans who still watch the kind of porn you don't surf for and can name the stars of their favorites. She was also romantically involved at different times with Vince Neil, Slash, and Gregg Allman, which means she had a shot at being Chaz Bono's half-brother's hot, six-years-older stepmom. But one July morning in 1994 -- eerily, Bridgette Andersen's 19th birthday -- she crashed her Corvette and broke her nose, and a few hours later, Savannah took her own life.

Of course, the cookies are the important thing here. Those in the know suggest that they are basically the same recipe as the Lemon Coolers of campaigns past: small, crisp, a bit lighter than shortbread, and dusted with powdered sugar. If you can't wait for your box (ahem) to be delivered, or you're a bit put off by the idea of the "lemon chips" in the commercial product, you can try making your own.

Suicidal Junkie Porn Star Cookies: Girl Scouts Are Selling Savannah Smiles™
Girl Scouts of the USA

It's hard to imagine the Girl Scouts growing a (metaphorical) pair and encouraging parents and leaders to explain in detail to the girls why filthy-minded people are helplessly spit-taking when they're offered a chance to stock up on Savannah Smiles cookies. But it's an option -- after all, sex work is legal (okay, some sex work is legal), substance abusers need understanding and help, and four or five girls in the troop are probably already named Savannah. And an organization that bothers to make sure the palm oil is sustainably harvested and the cacao beans probably aren't picked by child labor should stand behind their slogan:

"Every cookie has a mission: to help girls do great things."

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