Top Chef All-Stars Season 8, Episode 13 Recap: Fire's a Beach and Then You Cry

Go Carla! It's your birthday!
Go Carla! It's your birthday!

It's the final four five, yo, thanks to last week's non-decision of whom to eliminate. Please pack your knives and flip-flops -- it's off to the Bahamas!

After some flashbacks and "what I did during my time off" reports (yawn), the chefs walk into a fort and see the winners from their seasons. Padma (NOT in a bikini), Eric Ripert, and Tom inform the chefs their quickfire challenge is to go head-to-head with their season's winner for a prize of $10,000. Please try not to get flakes of rusty cannon or seagull shit in your dishes. Now go.

Spoiler alerts ahead, Bahama Mamas!

Is that cannon rust on my plate?
Is that cannon rust on my plate?

The wind is blowing like a bitch and there's some equipment failures (shocking), but in the end, Tiffany's stew beat Kevin's citrus and pork, Carla's undercooked rice lost to Hosea, Stephanie beat Antonia in round one (but Richard beat Stephanie for the cash), and Mike Isabella beat Michael Voltaggio without cheating. Note to Mike: Enough with the cockiness -- we've been listening to that station all season.

Hee, hee! We all 'effed up!
Hee, hee! We all 'effed up!

Elimination Challenge:

The chefs are told to create a dish for Bahamian royalty, but the royalty ends up being the king of Junkado, a celebration of life in the Bahamas. PSYCH OUT! IN YOUR NON-KING FACE! Whatever. It's not the "whoa!" moment Bravo hopes it will be. Let's just say the king of Junkado can't sit close enough to Padma (can anyone?) Now get to cookin' for the psych out king, chefs.

In the time it takes for Blais' face to form yet another scowl (Note to Blais: this competition is yours to lose; don't blow it), one of the fryers catches fire in the non-king-like kitchen and Tom tells the chefs the whole challenge has to be re-done due to the food being contaminated with carbon dioxide (mm, chemical-ly!).

The second time around, Mike and Richard get good reviews. Carla's pork is undercooked, Antonia says her dish doesn't feel like her (uh-oh), and Tiffany plays it safe which Mike says he's pissed about. Note to Mike: stealing ideas is worse than playing it safe.

Noooooooooo!!!
Noooooooooo!!!

Judges' Table:

The judges are all hatin' on the ladies, Blais is safe, and Mike gets the win for his lobster and chicken because it had a nice, non-cheating sauce.

In the end, Carla is eliminated for her inedible pork and too-sweet sweet potatoes. Please pack your knives and awesome attitude and go. We'll miss you, Carla!


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