Top Chef All-Stars Season Finale: Finally, What We All Knew Would Happen Did
We made it, yo! After what has seemed like an eternity in the Bahamas (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!), we're finally down to crowning a Top Chef, and Bravo is all business right out of the gate -- straighten that tie, Bravo!
Padma and Tom tell the chefs there will not be a Quickfire and that the last challenge will be "create the restaurant of your dreams," which would be difficult if that included zombie waiters serving food feathers inside a snow globe. Thankfully, Richard and Mike's dreams do not include any of these things (BORING -- BRING A BOOK) and they begin to prepare for the four-course tasting showdown.
But wait...who will be their sous chefs?
Send in the
losers past cheftestants!
Spoiler alerts ahead, duh!
All our favorite losers are back in the kitchen and Marcel is wearing sunglasses because he is Marcel and desperately believes wearing sunglasses in a kitchen is super-cool. Note to Marcel: Please go away forever.
Losers, you will cook (and lose) again!
Padma tells the
losers past cheftestants they must make an amuse bouche for Richard and Mike who will decide who cooks with them and who loses all over again -- FUN!!! Sniff, sniff, sniff. Taste, taste, taste. Here's the teams:
Richard: Spike, Angelo (now with fun plastic glasses!), and Antonia
Mike: Tiffani, Carla (yay!), and Two-Stitch Jamie (stay away from the scallops!)
Richard and Mike have an hour to plan and five hours to cook for the judges and 70 guests. Richard names his dream restaurant "Tongue & Cheek" which would have made more sense as "Tongue in Cheek" but now sounds like a joint that serves up parts of a face -- ew. Mike goes with "Restaurant Iz." Brilliant. Moving on.
Plan, plan, plan. Cook, cook, cook. The teams are working together well. Richard thinks he's going to blow it again and Mike thinks he's got this one in the bag. Note to Mike: Remember when you stole Richard's dish idea? Bravo hasn't.
"Anyone know who did Bourdain's contract?"
The judges split into two teams (with two rounds of tastings) and not one of them is Anthony Bourdain, who continues to grace the Top Chef All-Stars web banner with his mug even though he was only on for (maybe) half the season. Well played, Bourdain. Well played.
Everything is amazing. Everything is the best someone has ever had. This is going to be a hard decision. Zzzzzzzz . . . Other than Spike hovering around the judges and doing recon for Richard's dishes, this segment is snoozeville.
Judges' Table (or Strokesville Central): After the strokefest now known as judges' table, Richard and Mike go back to the stew room and it's all, "you're gonna win," "no you are," "no YOU are," "NO you ARE." Ugh. Note to Richard and Mike: We all know who's going to win, dudes. Now, get this jalopy past the finish line so we can make our lunches for tomorrow.
In the only true surreal moment of the season, in walk Mike's WIFE (What?! Dude's married? When did that happen?) and Richard's Uncle Scott (code name: Burly-Q), who looks like Grandpa Walton and apparently drew the short straw for representing Richard's pregnant wife.
We're all brilliant!
Back at Judges' Table, Richard, Mike, their families, and the
losers past cheftestants wait for the news the free world has known for the last six weeks: Richard Blais is the new Top Chef.
This was how it should have happened. Nice guys should win. Guys who cheat shouldn't. Mike says he still thinks he beat Richard. Note to Mike: No one cares.
Congratulations, Richard Blais, you earned it. Don't spend that $200,000 all on hair product!
Coming up: Top Chef Masters now with new host with fun hair!
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