Hello? Idea store? Hi, this is Top Chef Just Desserts and we need some ideas for challenges...yeah...we're down to five contestants and our intern totally screwed up and thought that...what? How much? Um, okay, thanks, we'll just use the crappy ones we have for tonight.
At the start of this week's episode, Danielle says she's happy to be the last woman standing in the competition. What else would you be, Danielle? Oh wait, how 'bout surprised? Cause that's what we are. Yigit misses angry Heather H. and is weally, weally sad. Ugh.
Guest cake designer and soul crusher Shinmin Li and Gail Simmons (Ladies, what's up with the wrinkled skirt and boyfriend blazer? Wardrobe hatin' on you, for real.) tell the pastry-testants they need to make an edible bouquet in three hours, which really isn't all that quick. Nope, not so much.
Spoiler alerts ahead, y'all!
Morgan breaks one of Yigit's sugar vases (which would also happen if someone turned the lights off, breathed, or made a wish), everyone's creations have been cursed by the Fugly Monster, and Shinmin Li only wants your soul, not your freakin' excuses.
Morgan wins and gets $5,000 sponsored by dish soap people. Yigit's ego is as shattered as his sugar vase and he is weally, weally, sad again.
The chefs must cater a tea party for Dana Cowin and her friends which is sad 'cause her friends are people the producers yank off the street and say, "Be Dana Cowin's friend, asshole!" Each chef needs to create two small dessert bites for 100 people and they need to be based on a celebrity relationship of their choice because...wait for it...it's a celebriTEA party! Whoa. That seems like an idea someone should not get paid for. Force ideas together much, Bravo?
Zac picks Julie Andrews and husband Blake Edwards and no one is shocked. Yigit goes with Madonna and Guy Ritchie. News flash to Yigit: They're not a couple anymore. Eric chooses Oprah and Steadman. Danielle picks Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. Morgan says he doesn't know anything about celebrities and rifles through a tabloid in Albertson's (you touch it, you buy it, Morganza!) before picking Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian.
As the pastry-testants get back to the kitchen, they discover that the chocolate is "out of stock" which really means, "piled up in Gail Simmons office until we're done messing with you." Johnny Iuzzini confirms the Great Chocolate Outage which totally bums out Morgazma, Eric the Baker, and weally, weally sad Yigit who were going to use it in their desserts.
The next day, at the most depressing-looking tea house ever, the judges eat the pastry-testants desserts off a dead tree slab and Shinmin Li complains her Earl Grey does not have enough soul in it. Dana Cowin's "friends" look terrified and say things they think will guarantee their freedom from the tea house of sadness.
Break to a segment where we learn Danielle takes long showers with a box of fiber cereal. Thank you, Bravo. How TMI of you.
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Morgan, Zac, and Danielle make it to the top three which is interesting given the judges trashed on Danielle's too-much jalapeño topping and cake leavening issues. What is her secret staying power?! Zac wins for his super-fun, super-non-chocolate Pink Panther Pavlova and Cap'N Von Trapp Crunch with a Spoonful of Tarragon Sugar. Ha!
Eric the Baker and weally, weally sad Yigit are on the bottom. Eric's idea for Oprah and Steadman was boring and Johnny Iuzzini tells Yigit his desserts tasted like the cheap crap served on cruise ships and successfully breaks Yigit's spirit like his Quickfire sugar vase. There's a lot of shuffling, well-ups, and bowed heads but this isn't a competition for saddest chef, it's about desserts, dammit! Eric the Baker goes home.
What did you think about this episode? Why is Danielle still in it? Let's share and be friends!