Wendy's New Frosty Waffle Cone: What the Hell Were They Thinking?
The Guilty Pleasure: Frosty Waffle Cone Where to Get It: Wendy's, locations Valleywide Price: $1.49 What It Really Costs: A sticky situation.
Another day, another overly eager press release. This time, it's the nice folks at Wendy's. Apparently, someone thought it would be a brilliant idea to put their Frosty, that frozen concoction that's too soft to be ice cream and too thick to be a milkshake, in a waffle cone. This is, at first glance, a silly idea. After all, the natural thing to do with a Frosty is to dip one's fries in it, not have it as dessert. Or maybe that's just me.
Anyway, the press release gushed "With the Frosty Waffle Cone, you can enjoy America's favorite treat for a few more delicious moments." How? This is Phoenix, that thing is going to melt into a waffle cone full of chocolate milk unless I swallow the thing whole. To the PR department's credit, they were kind enough to offer us a gift card to try one. While the offer was appreciated . . . I know journalism budgets aren't nearly what they once were, but come on, the thing is a buck and a half.
After derisively snickering at the press release a little longer ("Made with quality ingredients"? Note no designation of high quality ingredients. It could have been worse, I suppose; they could have said "real ingredients", as if fictional ingredients were a thing.), I figured I might as well try one. Indeed, it's exactly what it says on the tin. They take a Frosty (the eensy-weensy Jr. size, in this case), and put it in a waffle cone instead of a cup.
While their intentions are good, the whole idea is just wrong, wrong, wrong. I have to hold the thing, so it has to be an after-dinner add-on when I'd rather have it for mid-meal french fry dipping. Fine, I'll eat it solo for dessert.
There's really no polite way to eat one of these. I could pour it into my mouth, but it's thick enough that I risked getting hit in the nose by a blob too big to fit in my mouth. That leaves me with eating it like I would like any other ice cream cone. Remember, the Frosty is semi-solid. It sits below the rim of the cone, so you have to do my best Gene Simmons impression to get any Frosty out of the cone. Then, I had to be very careful nibbling the waffle cone, lest I took too big of a chunk and had half-melted Frosty ooze down my arm.
Speaking of half-melted... There's one big problem with the Frosty Waffle Cone. You know how waffle cones tend to get soggy close to the end? Since the Frosty is already almost liquid, the bottom bit of the cone soaks through almost instantly, creating a sticky mess. I ditched the paper wrapper about a minute after receiving my Frosty Waffle Cone (you have to jettison it pretty quickly since it takes up most of the cone's height), but there was still a lickable amount of Frosty juice on the wrapper. And, of course, it's hard to eat an ice cream cone without at least occasionally touching the bottom tip. Make sure there's a sink nearby to wash your hands after having a Frosty Waffle Cone, you'll need it.
Or better, skip the cone entirely. The small size Frosty will save you 10 calories and 50 cents, and comes with a spoon so you can eat it without tongue contortions.
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