The reports of the death of 3D may be slightly exaggerated. The recent re-launch of Titanic in all its schmaltzy glory is further proof that the technology is going to just keep "Comin' At Ya!"
Despite box office flop after flop, Hollywood studios are convinced that the movie-going world wants the 3D experience. The latest cinematic wave is to convert the 2D films from our past, including Titanic, Star Wars and Jurassic Park (coming soon!), and give us the chance to see them "like never before."
We all get that George Lucas can't stop fidgeting with his little sci-fi franchise in the hopes that he can milk an extra dollar, but 2D movies were shot to be just that -- two dimensional. So while Hollywood kicks its feet up and pops on a pair of boxy glasses, we'll be crossing our fingers that these 10 movies never get the 3D treatment.
10. Apocalypse Now
OK, the Ride of the Valkyries scene might be kinda cool, but the climactic scene in the bunker with Brando mumbling his nonsense would become mind numbing in 3D. Besides, it's already hard enough to see that ending with the ox without any "enhancement." The horror...the horror.
God bless J.J. Abrams and his appetite for plot twists, doomed characters, and two hours of running around shot on a handheld camera. And bless the popcorn bowl we'll have to use as a vomit bin about 3 minutes into Cloverfield 3D.
8. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
Now that would be a whole other hot, hairy ball of 3D wax.
This landmark movie is noted as the first in cinematic history to create real depth of field. There are scenes in Citizen Kane that make event the most visually impressive in Avatar look like a student film. A 3D version would be right on par with the colorization of Casablanca.
Granted, Max Fischer might be the first to champion the ridiculous grandiosity that is 3D, but Rushmore is already one of the biggest looking little movies ever. It would be criminal to allow the scale reducing 3D technology to make Rushmore feel small.
5. Fight Club
The 9th Rule of Fight Club is if it's already dark, don't make it darker for the sake of extra profit. It will only cause the audience to enact the 3rd Rule of Fight Club.
Katherine Heigl's vagina in 3D? No thanks.
Hitchcock's rack focuses already cause nausea -- in the best of ways. And while The Birds might be even creepier in 3D, we'd rather not have a panic attack in the theater.
2. Animal House