Say goodbye to your little blazer because winter's almost over. Replacing the atrocious Muppet coats and slouchy pants of your cold-weather wardrobe are a new batch of totally repulsive fashion options that are set to trend this spring. Here's what not to wear.
Sporty Sandals Your dad might know a thing or two about practical outdoorsy footwear. But that does not mean you should wear sandals resembling his standbys for science hikes.
Visible Undies Not only are the undies of spring very visible, they are also massive, up-to-your-belly-button-style granny panties. What would you dear old grandmother say? We'll wage a guess: Stop being a jackass and put on some bottoms that aren't see-through, honey.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Phoenix New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Phoenix's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Metallics We are quite familiar with the whole "you are what you eat" thing. But we remove the wrappers from our candy prior to inhaling, thank you very much.
Flowy Pants Show us one person who looks fabulous in big, billowy culottes. One! Oh, wait, you can't. Because they're terrible, and nobody looks good in them.
Graphic T-Shirts Words are for books, not boobs.