Idiot girls and humor fans rejoice -- author Laurie Notaro is back in Phoenix for a few weeks and is hosting two events we'll slash your tires to get to first.
Notaro (who contributes to New Times) is releasing her latest collection of short stories this month, titled The Potty Mouth at the Table.
In May, she'll be visiting Changing Hands in Tempe to host a writing class and to read from her book.
This week, she's giving us a sneak preview of "Potty Mouth," which you can check out after the jump ...
Notaro currently lives in Oregon, but she grew up in Phoenix, and wrote for The State Press at Arizona State University (where, in the Tempe newsroom, there might still be a sticker on a filing cabinet proclaiming "Laurie Notaro puked here").
She's written a handful of books, including An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List, The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life, and It Looked Different on the Model.
She describes The Potty Mouth at the Table as "a collection of blood-pumping, heart-warming, spine-tingling and with any amount of alcohol, pants-wetting adventures ... a great way to waste time at work, to divert your attention when you feel like stalking someone, or to pass an evening when your tweaker neighbor tries to pirate your cable and cuts the cord instead."
"You're So Funny!" a Writing Workshop Notaro will be at Changing Hands on May 4 from 4 to 6 p.m. hosting a writing workshop that will feature her tips on where to find the funny content within your own stories, how to set the timing, and how to package it into an essay. The workshop is $40 and includes a copy of "Potty Mouth" -- registration is limited to 25 people and reservations can be made by calling Changing Hands at (480) 730-0205.
Laurie Notaro: The Potty Mouth at the Table Reading She'll return to Changing Hands on May 7 at 7 p.m. to read from her book, sign copies, and pass out a slew of book swag (for the first 250 attendees), including a Potty Mouth shot glass, magnet, sticker, pencils, bumper sticker, bar of soap, book of matches, disease mask, and temporary tattoo. Two tickets are included with every purchase of "Potty Mouth" at Changing Hands and seating will be assigned by the letter on the ticket.
Now for an excerpt of "Potty Mouth" on unwanted sexual advances ...
Yes, my gut instinct was alarm, not only because I was having lunch with my ex-boyfriend, but because he should have known me better than to try to hold my hand while I'm trying to eat. We had dated twenty years ago and between us we'd had marriages, divorces, children, bankruptcies, jobs, felonies, and a period spent on the lam since the time we spilt. (For the record, the jobs and marriage were mine.)
People can change. Some people can anyway. I might have eventually become someone who would really enjoy the moment when a former flame, his forearms covered in paint droplets, reaching for my hand. But I was trying to eat chips and guacamole with my hand at the time. I was hungry. And one of the primary jobs of either of my hands is to feed me, not be obstructed by a larger, rougher hand dappled with Navajo White that was blocking my access to the avocado trough.
Whatever. I've known this guy most of my life, I thought. Give him your hand, Laurie--he's just trying to be sweet. He even told you that you were "holding up good for your age" when you came back from the ladies' room...despite the fact that he saw you from behind when you left the table, so we both knew that was a lie.
But he's been through a lot, I remember, his marriage didn't turn out to be the hippie love fest he had hoped and he's raising two boys on his own. He got their mother pregnant while we were still dating, by the way, but I hold no grudges. I really don't. She was a better choice for him than I was, and I'm thankful that she was so easily fertile, which often happens with runaway teenagers. So really, it was a small concession to give him my hand. The guacamole can wait a minute. It's a room temperature dish, I reasoned with myself. Although I am seriously am putting a time cap on this thing, and when my fajitas get here, it's every hand for itself.
For more of Notaro's work and upcoming events, check out the official Laurie Notaro website.