Caught on Disc

Ever have one of those weeks when you just think the opposite sex is completely nuts? That you are one way -- the right way -- and they just function with no reason or rhyme?

Yeah, me too.

I swear if it wasn't for my Prozac and other meds, I'd think about a sex-change operation just to see what makes them tick.

But I fear I'm just too attached to my penis.

Anyway, from South Korea comes the DVD Memento Mori, from Tartan Asia Extreme. And it's about those without penises. Mainly, it's about a chick named Min-Ah, who finds a multi-user diary, and then finds one of its writers dead. While critics from all over are saying it's scarier than The Sixth Sense and Psycho and shit, I have to say that if I didn't have to READ the film, maybe it would be. I hate subtitles. If I want to watch a movie, I want to WATCH a movie. Not read the damn thing. If I want to read, I can always pick up an issue of Playboy. Or better yet, play a video game. They have lots of words. Especially the Legend of Zelda series.

Also from Tartan Video on DVD comes Sixteen Years of Alcohol. Now this movie rocks. It's won all these awards from film festivals around the world. If that means anything to you.

Anyway, the movie is about this guy, Frankie, who was also in Trainspotting and some other cool movies, and how he is just a plain old angry motherfucker. Of course his parents sucked, and now he's a walking time bomb. But as in most movies, he finds a girl, falls in love, and is forced to deal with those demons in his mind that tell him how to kill, not because of the pain, but for the thrill. There are some great fight scenes, enough blood to keep me happy, and I can almost understand all the words that are spoken. But, alas, the film was made in the U.K., where they haven't mastered the English language yet.

The last DVD I got this week is from The World of Sid & Marty Krofft. Remember how a couple of months back I mentioned Lidsville? Well, now I got the complete third season of Land of the Lost! Sleestaks, Uncle Jack, Holly, Will and all. If you have no idea what I'm writing about, don't feel bad. You were just born to a useless generation. Land of the Lost ran on Saturday mornings in the 1970s, and every kid I knew loved it. It was about this family that went back in time and took on dinosaurs as well as strange creatures and wild visitors. It was sort of like Gilligan's Island for kids. You knew they'd never get back to their own time, and they learned to live with it. Like you've learned to live with 118-degree temperatures.

Got some great CDs this week, and two of them are from Abbey Lounge Records out of John Kerry's state. And yes, the Boston Red Sox still suck.

Anyway, the first one is from The Dents. It's called Time for Biting, but the thing is, these guys and girls don't. They play a sort of poppy punk that's got a really heavy edge. Like Hole. Which I really like despite the fact that its lead singer probably killed the John Lennon or Dee Dee Ramone of our time. Anyway, some of the better songs here include "Better Off," and "Too Late." But my favorite one is "Miserable Day." I guess chicks can have one of those weeks, too. This rocks.

Also on Abbey Lounge Records comes the new one from The Marvels, who very cleverly make their logo look like "Marshall" from the amp. The CD is called Cheat to Win, but these guys and gal don't have to. They've already won. It's straight old-school punk rock here in the vein of Iggy, The Clash, The Dead Boys, The Ramones, and even Green Day. The songs are strong as hell, and the lyrics are insightful to a new generation of punks. I really like this, and think I'm going to upload it to my iPod to work out to. Only thing is, I'll probably not transfer the last song, "Dead to the World." It's an acoustic number, and while the lyrics are so real ("Born in 1979/Swam my way up on through suburban slime/The whole world trying to keep up appearances/They never noticed any of my little disappearances"), it's too much like that song Green Day did, "Time of Your Life." Keep an eye on The Marvels. They are definitely going places.

From Whoa Oh Records out of New York City comes Electric Tangerine Smile -- Shindig Volume 3 in 3-D from The Kung Fu Monkeys. I've known these guys forever, as we both have bands named after feces-throwing mammals, and even though this seven-inch vinyl record (remember those?) was recorded on four tracks in eight hours, it's a powerhouse. The band, which sounds like any great garage band from the '60s, does tunes like "I Dig the Way You Move" and "Summertime in the Desert," a song we can all totally relate to. Also of note, the band features Mike Faloon and John Bowie of the now-defunct Egghead. Actually, I just saw John. On the television. He played a cheater in that lousy show Las Vegas with James Caan. Before that, he was the T.G.I.F. guy in all those commercials. So he's famous! And yet he's still doing the punk rock! You go, John! And hey, Mike, keep up the good work with your 'zine, Go Metric!

From Argentina, on Rockaway Records, comes my favorite disc in a very long time. It's called Todos Somos Ramones -- un homenaje, and it's totally something any old-school punk fan should have. Besides that Dead Boys DVD I haven't gotten yet.

Anyway, it's a two-disc thing that comes with a booklet with amazing photos of The Ramones, and great writings about them. The CD also features music -- 52 songs, actually. From bands from all around the world, covering Ramones tunes. And the kicker? Ed Stasium produced it. Who's Ed Stasium? Only the best producer in the world, and the one who did the early Ramones albums, as well as my favorite one, Road to Ruin.

All the bands here sound sharp and hard and loud. Even Ed Stasium checks in with a countrified version of "Cretin Hop" that eventually breaks out into full Ramones force. And you are not going to believe who else shows up here. How about Sylvain Sylvain from The New York Dolls? The Addicts? Dee Dee Ramone with my pal from Youth Gone Mad, Ena? Joey Ramone with The Independents? Not enough? How about Stop with Mickey Leigh, Joey Ramone's brother? Airport, featuring Tony Barber from The Buzzcocks? Even Stiv Fuckin' Bators doing "Poison Heart," and Johnny Thunders doing "Chinese Rocks"! I'm coming as I write this.

Todos Somos Ramones is a zillion times better than that Hey Ho, Let's Go compilation that the now-deceased Johnny Ramone and Rob Zombie put out a couple years back. Who needs sissy bands and singers like Bono and Eddie Vedder, when you get bands here like The Hymans from Belgium doing a better version of "Let's Go" than the Ramones ever did? Their singer is more Joey than Joey. Or The Lurkers from England doing "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend"? Then there are bands like Shock Treatment from Spain, Trotsky Vengaran from Uruguay, The Vigilantes from Sweden, and Fifi & the Mach III from Japan. Not to mention that C.J. Ramone appears on this thing, as well as, ahem, Furious George. And believe me, it was a total surprise. I didn't know we were even on the damn thing until I got it in the mail. I had talked to the record's coordinator a long while back, and forgot all about it, figuring the project was dead. I guess not. And now I'm on disc with Stiv Bators, Sonny Vincent, and The Nutley Brass. I can die and go to Ramones heaven. Actually, forget I said that.

Those Ramones died way too fast.

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George Tabb
Contact: George Tabb