The Tour is underway and for some who are not cycling addicts, the romance of sitting in front of the TV for three to four hours (or all freaking day) watching cyclists cut across France is beginning to wane. We're here to put some zip back into your Tour de France.
Nothing helps pass the time like a good drinking game, so here you go. But before you start pouring, keep in mind a few things: it's not the best idea to start a hot Arizona summer day pounding booze, so choose your beverages carefully if you're playing during the live version before work, and alcohol is a calorie horse and not an ideal fitness companion when trying to stay lean like the pros.
You already have a viewers guide to Le Grande Boucle. Now, here are the rules to the 2011 Tour de France Drinking Game presented by Cycle and powered by Jackalope Ranch:
• Each time Phil Liggett says "Dancing on the Pedals", take a drink.
• Each time Phil Liggett calls a rider "Boy", take a drink.
• Each time Paul Sherwen says "On the rivet", take a drink.
• Each time Paul Sherwen says "And he's popped", open a new bottle, fill everyone's glass and take a drink.
• Each time Bob Roll says "Tour-Day-France", feel ashamed to be an American and take a drink.
• Each time Liggett or Sherwen remark on the riders taking a "nature break", go ahead and take one yourself.
• Every time you see the Devil, take a drink.
• Every time you see the Clean Bottle, go and wash all drinking vessels.
• Every time you see a rider toss a bottle to the side of the road, throw away all empties.
• Every time you see a rider go back to his team car and load his jersey up with bottles for his team, make a run to the fridge for the room.
• Every time there is a crash, pour a shot, add five drops of Tobasco and down it.
• Every time Liggett and Sherwen highlight a castle or chateau, build a five-level castle out of playing cards without it falling.
• If Mark Cavendish wins a sprint, the loudest person watching gets to make obscene gestures and all others must slam what's left.
• If Mark Cavendish loses a sprint, the loudest person watching must slam what's left and everyone else gets to yell at the loud guy.
• If Alberto Contador wins a stage and makes his "Pistolero" salute, do a shot from the stiffest bottle in the house.
• If Andy or Frank Schleck wins a stage, go buy a bottle of Le Chouffe, one of the world's greatest beers, to consume during the next day's stage.
• If Chris Horner wins a stage, go right out and down a #1 at In-and-Out Burger, animal style.
And don't forget to keep riding, no matter how hot it gets. There's no better way to sweat out what you've consumed.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.