Care to Make Love in That Gross Little Space Between Cars? isn't the sexiest of offerings, but it makes for a cringe/chuckle-inducing title for The Believer's new book of collected answers to burning questions from writers, funny people, musicians, other notables, and readers.
To be clear: This read isn't full of Forrest Gumpian "mama always said" sweet little -isms. When Zach Galifianakis and Weird Al give guidance, it's alternatingly funny, blunt, and refreshingly rude.
While the compendium is full of snarky responses to mostly silly requests for advice, a handful of its imparted wisdoms are sure to stay with us forever (as good advice is wont to do). Here they are.
5. "MILF is a common acronym used by teenagers these days. It stands for 'Ugly Bitch Who Lies about Some Kid Calling Her a MILF.'" Louis C.K.'s thoroughly grumpy response to a woman who wondered whether she should take being called a "MILF" as complimentary or offensive. An editor's note above his section mentions that he was having a particularly bad day. We're okay with that, as enraged Louis C.K. is one of our favorite sides of the comedian.
4. "Jesus said more obnoxious shit than Kanye West!" Mean girl stand-up Lisa Lampanelli explains the egotistical trappings of Christianity and its founder to a reader who asked if Jesus was simply a lot of hype.
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3. "... Help is on the way for you, Brian -- unless of course you die of old age before then." Comedy writer Alan Zweibel explains why premature balding isn't as bad as it may seem, because either death or some medical solution will greet you eventually. 2. "What I meant to say was ... bang his brother and his best friend and his boss, and show the tape at his next business meeting." Bob Saget dissects the rational steps one reader should take after suspecting that her significant other is having an affair.
1. "Figs are disgusting. They are like giant raisins filled with sugar and they are the consistency of a mummified ball sack." Why not to eat figs, as expounded upon by former Late Night with Jimmy Fallon writer and performer Anthony Jeselnik.
Care to Make Love in That Gross Little Space Between Cars? is available in paperback for $14.95.