Five Reasons Why Bristol Palin Should Go to ASU

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

After Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, purchased a home in Maricopa this month, word spread that Bristol might have her sights set on Arizona State University.

The former Dancing with the Stars runner-up and mother of 2-year-old Tripp Palin paid $172,000 in cash for the five-bedroom home in a community called Cobblestone Farms (a big WTF to anyone and everyone who's been to Maricopa).

The 20-year-old is telling friends she has plans to attend ASU.

While there's been no official comment made by the University, and while we did our best to come up with reasons why she should spare the ASU student body, we've unfortunately come to the conclusion that Arizona State is actually the perfect match for Bristol Palin. Here's why:

1. ASU Hates Obama, too.
In 2009, Arizona State denied Obama an honorary degree, saying his his body of work was "yet to come." Evidently two best-selling books, one of the largest grassroots organizations in the world and becoming the first African American President of the United States isn't good enough for an ASU degree, but if Bristol can stick it through a few semesters, she might prove that being a Palin will do it. You betcha.  

2. ASU Has a Hockey Team
We know, it must have been tough to break up with playgirl cover-boy Levi Johnston and all of his, um, brains. Luckily ASU has an entire squad of hockey players who we're sure wouldn't hesitate to fill the void.

3. There are nurseries on the main campus.
Bristol's rumored to be considering studies in broadcast, which would land her in downtown Phoenix, a quick one-hour jog from her new home. But in hopes the event that she isn't admitted, she can still study communications on the main campus, which conveniently has a few childcare facilities (run by the child psychology department) for little Tripp.

4. Admission costs $65 and a pulse.
Depending on when she applies, she might even qualify for the in-state application fee of $50 (that's a $15 savings, honey), but Bristol's pretty much guaranteed admission, especially if she (or any of the Palin clan) is willing to fill out the 5-minute online application and pony up a few thousand dollars for admission.

5. There are a few fellow ASU F-List friends and alumni she can buddy up with.
Forget the no-name sluts and party people at ASU -- if Bristol makes it to ASU, she has a pre-built network of students and alumni who really think they're somebody. To name a few: Jack Elway, Isaiah Mustafa (the Old Spice man you wish your man would smell like), David Spade, Jimmy Kimmel, Nick Nolte, and Michael Reagan. 

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.