Nor should you. But that's beside the point. Mustaches are rarely well kept and are rarely flattering. You tell me how many times you've seriously looked at the men known worldwide for their mustaches (Groucho Marx, Gene Shalit, Charlie Chaplin, Salvador Dali or Fu Manchu) and thought about sex.
Mustaches -- we'll explain because you likely don't have one -- are known to collect crumbs, beer foam, and other flavors we won't go into. And if you're not willing to sport one, neither should your coffee mug.
4. They're infecting every handmade product on Etsy.
A sure sign of a trend jumping the plaid-clad, Ray Ban-wearing shark is it's overwhelming presence on Etsy. Take a look at this screen capture -- a result of entering "mustache" into the search field of the chintziest craft site to take over the Internet.
There are almost 11,000 things for sale that have been stamped, painted, pasted, fashioned, molded, branded, or sculpted (shudder) into a mustache. That, friends, is a red flag.
3. They've been included in one of these slogans: