Gift Guides

Laurie Notaro's eBay-Inspired Holiday Gift Guide for Your "Unusual" Friends and Family

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Drunk Dead Squirrel Seriously, if you want a squirrel, it's better to have a dead one. I have squirrels all around my house, and they pee on my deck, leave messes wherever they go and I am fairly to completely certain they carry a variety of diseases that will cause brain fungus, liquidation of the lungs and some nasty GI malfunctions. Even if you had a dead one, however, after handling, tickling, fake feeding, dressing or petting, I would still wash my hands or gently give them a tap with a blow torch before eating, brushing my teeth, or picking a chunk of apple from the cavity in between a crown and a real tooth.

A Vibrator That Belonged To Someone Who Is Now Dead Chances are, anyway. Yes. I am thinking the worst about this item, but if you look at the lady receiving the benefits of this vibrator in the manual, you really can't say that I'm wrong. There is something more than joy in those eyes. And after all this time, it still runs well! It's just a little squeaky, and needs a couple of brushes, perhaps an alcohol dip and a burning desire to push the limits of good taste before being fired up again. It even comes with its own case, which is a detail you don't see too much in the aisles of Castle Boutique nowadays. Perfect for any chunky woman who already has the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, a velvet corset, describes herself as "curious," and has taken a stab at writing her own internet porn.

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Laurie Notaro