Gift Guides

Laurie Notaro's eBay-Inspired Holiday Gift Guide for Your "Unusual" Friends and Family

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Teeth Every tweaker knows that dentures are expensive, and what better way to make a toothless, scabby person who is planning to break in and steal all of your jewelry when you go back to work after Christmas break into a hearty smile? That is aside from leaving your purse on the kitchen table when you go to the bathroom. Who cares if teeth more or less need to be custom fit--there people snort lye and battery acid, so there really isn't any room to be getting picky when it comes to the gift of choppers. I mean, hey, at least they can bite people again! If your cousin Staci will have sex on the side of the river for fifteen bucks or a hamburger, she can wear a stranger's teeth. She can.

Naked Yoga/Stripper Statue Seriously, someone carved this out of wax and then cast it in bronze. It took me the better part of 15 minutes to figure out what part was what before I had to consult an anatomy book. I'm not sure who the model was for this inspired piece of naked art, but I bet her cookie is still very cold. The listing description indicates that the person who made the "Upward Vagina" sculpture is, in all likelihood, the same person who penned, "Showing great flexibility and (sic) contortionist she twists and turns her nude body allowing it to fold upward like the petals of an opening flower." Sorry, I didn't see a flower, just a ten dollar bill, but perhaps the flower was tucked under something, like a buttock. Hard to say.

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Laurie Notaro