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Manscaping: The Dos and Don'ts

The mysteries of manscaping...unlocked.
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To groom or not to groom?

The hetero male often faces this question alone. We realize that dudes can't talk to their bros about this important issue so where are they to find guidance?

Turn to the ladies. Or more specifically, this lady, who has graciously provided a list of Dos and Don'ts when it comes to the necessary and very tricky world of manscaping.

Read on ... you know you want to.

Don't wax your eyebrows. It's not an attractive look for a man. We like a little unruly fuzz when we get up close so we know we're not looking at a chick.

Do pluck your unibrow. We don't, however, want to see the nasty hairs that connect your two brows. You don't have to get artistic with this -- just grab a hunk of hair with your tweezers and pull. And then pretend not to cry.

Don't ignore the back of your neck. Your hair-dresser should be taking care of this. If not, just know that women do notice this kind of thing and we won't want to touch you.

Do pluck or trim nose and ear hair. If you don't, we will find it. And it will remind us of Grandpa.

Don't do this in front of us. We'll think you're a wimp when your "eyes water" as you pluck those nose scragglers.

Do consider laser hair removal for your hairy butt. If you've got a carpet on your cheeks, get rid of it. Because that's just gross.

Don't sport sideburns, goatees, flavor savers, or any facial hair combo you can find on 90210 reruns.

Do shave your mustache. You're too late to be ironic.

Don't shave funny patterns into your body hair. We will not appreciate the hairy arrow on your stomach pointing to your wang.

Do clean up after yourself. Trimmed pubes like to travel and we don't want to be brushing one of your curlies off our shirt at an office meeting.

Don't borrow your girlfriend's razor. For anything. Seriously.

Do trim your bush. If we're not allowed to have a bush, neither are you. If it's a crotch-bush, armpit-bush, or toe-hair bush, just take a little off the top.

Don't shave anything other than your face. A stubbly chest or a razor-burn-filled scrotum will not get you laid.

Do wax a super-hairy back. We promise we won't think you're gay.

So there you have it. Keep this in mind next time you're alone in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and a razor.

Don't want to follow my advice? Fine. Just know that your next hook-up will, in fact, tell all her girlfriends about your bushy crotch, stubbly chest, or oddly located razor burn.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.