Nine Cinco de Mayo Parties Worth Your Pesos

Every major drinking holiday that takes place in America each year -- whether we're talking St. Patrick's Day or New Year's Eve -- typically involves two things: Copious amounts of cheap beer or discounted hooch being consumed and people getting slizzered while wearing funny hats.

Cinco de Mayo is no exception to this rule, as many a sombrero will be donned by drunken patrons (who likely have sucked down more than their fair share of cerveza) during numerous parties this weekend.

Several Cinco celebrations throughout Scottsdale and Tempe sound will offer more than just these activities, however, and sound a bit more fun and adventure than any other tequila-fueled affair. Read on for our list of nine fiestas worthy of your attention.

Canteen This tacos 'n' tequila joint teams up with next-door neighbor Fat Tuesday for the El Mexcellente! Cinco de Mayo Block Party, which will encompass both properties. A slew of DJs (including Aaron Taylor of KISS FM) will dance hits all day, drink specials like $2 Coronas and $4 Margaritas will be available until 6:30 p.m., and $250 grand prize will be awarded to the winner of a cornhole competition. Gates open at 11 a.m. Admission is $5.

Sandbar Peoria There will be plenty to see and do during the annual Cinco de Sandbar party at the Peoria location of the Mexican beach bar chair, especially on Saturday evening. Lime-bobbing and jalapeño-eating competitions will take place, local bands like Black Bottom Lighters will perform, and a bikini contest offering $1,000 in cash and prizes will be held. A special cornhole tournament is also scheduled for Sunday. Doors open at 11 a.m. both days.

Loco Patron Although most Cinco de Mayo parties across the Valley will afford patrons the opportunity to act like fools (probably after one too many Coronas or shots of Patron), a few will actually offer them a chance to get a photos with an actual ass while looking a jackass. Such will be the case at Loco Patron, which will truck in a donkey for its Cinco de Mayo festivities on Saturday. DJs, drink specials, and other fun is planned. Doors open at 11 a.m.

Dos Gringos Scottsdale Craftsman Court will be crowded with revelers when the folks from Dos Gringos take over the Scottsdale street for their Cinco-themed block party. Tacos will be served for $3-$5 each, signature Dos margaritas will run you $4.50. A half-dozen bands will perform (including Tomorrow's Bad Seeds) and KUKQ will giveaway tickets to the upcoming Vans Warped Tour. Gates open at 1 p.m. Pre-sale tickets are $10.

Distrito Local lucha libre wrestlers will unleash acrobatic moves from 2 to 6 p.m. inside a wrestling ring that will be constructed inside this Mexican-themed eatery and drinkery at the Saguaro Hotel. While flying forearms and fisticuffs will be exchanged between masked combatants, patrons can partake in $2 Tecate and $5 margaritas.

Dollhouse Cocktail Lounge A large hot tub will be setup on the patio during the Dollhouse's Cinco de Drinko soiree on Saturday, which will also feature $3 Mind Erasers, $4 margaritas, and $5 shots of Patron, plenty of party favors, and complimentary Mexican-style barbecue. Doors open at 2 p.m.

School of Rock Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, one of the infamous stars of Jersey Shore, has uttered some choice words during all five seasons of the MTV reality show, including such gems as "She's too young for you, bro" and "You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit." One such Ronnie quote seems particularly apt for this Saturday's Cinco celebration at School of Rock, which the 26-year-old will host: "Get ready to party, get out there, get filthy and weird." School of Rock patrons will probably be doing just that as they drink down $3 Coronas and Dos Equis, $5 Patron shots, and $6 Skyy cocktails during the event and watch Ortiz-Magro perform a special DJ set. Doors open at 9 p.m.

The Olive Branch Fetish model/performance artist Dani Danger is about to bid farewell to Phoenix and head for L.A. to seek fame fortune. Before she puts the Valley in the rearview, the Mohawked dame will be putting on a grand going-away party called "Hollywood or Bust!" at this Tempe eatery. Befitting Danger's wild and crazy nature, the event will include a pole dance competition for prizes, music from punk bands and industrial DJs, girl-on-girl "nut wrestling," a "Zombie Whitney Houston tribute," hookahs, a costume contest, and more. We've also head rumors that Danger, who engaged in a variety of flesh-hook suspensions over the years, might pull a truck through the parking lot with metal hooks attatched to her back. Really. The party starts at 9 p.m. Admission is $5-$10.

Margarita Rocks The sins of gluttony, pride, greed, and lust will be on display writ large at this Mill Avenue establishment's Cinco bash, as the winners of a mini-chimichanga-eating competition and a bikini contest get thousands in cash and prizes. Sound fun. The girls of Cabo Wabo will also appear and $4 shots and margaritas featuring the Sammy Hagar-approved tequila will also be available. Doors open at 3 p.m. Call 480-968-3103 for cover.

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Benjamin Leatherman is a staff writer at Phoenix New Times. He covers local nightlife, music, culture, geekery, and fringe pursuits.