| Lists |

No Shave November: Five Beards of Inspiration and Damnation

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

No Shave November traditionally started the day after the polls closed when men retired to their hunting lodges to shoot game, camp, eat one-pot meals, and stop shaving 'til they returned home at the end of the month.

Now, men everywhere use November as an excuse to skip their normal grooming regimen, put their testosterone to the test, and showcase their manliness face first (all while uploading pictures of their "progress" on various facebook pages and blogs).

Now there are good beards and bad beards -- and while No Shave November typically makes no aesthetic apologies, we bring you five beards of inspiration ... ok and five fugly beards you'll want to avoid if you have any plans of getting laid come late November.

1. George Clooney. Okay, so Clooney makes us swoon regardless, but damn, his salt and pepper well-kept beard has sexy written all over it.

2. Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe wore his beard like a badge of honor. What ever happened to politicians sporting some respectable facial hair?

3. Gerard Butler as Leonidas in 300. A badass with a badass beard. Need we say more?

4. Jon Hamm. Hamm's a prime example of a guy who can let his facial hair go for a month or two. Thick, clean, and irresistibly manly.

5. Zach Galifianakis. Are we the only ones who think Galifianakis would be less funny without his burly beard? He rocks a serious beard like no other and knows it. Do it.

1. Alexi Lalas. Clean shaven, this former soccer player's a good looking guy. Sans grooming? He's one scary ginger Jesus.

2. Shia LaBeouf and Brad Pitt. Baby faces and beards are incompatible. Period. And Pitt, we'd rather see your perfect bone structure, so skip the scraggly scruff (unless it's just a little bit of stubble).

3. Brian "The Beard" Wilson. We'll give you props for intimidating your opponents and bringing home the World Series for the San Francisco Giants, but seriously, is the black shoe-polish dye necessary?!

4. ZZ Top. When you start to resemble Father Time, it's time to bust out the razor. Who knows what the heck this pair was hiding behind all that hair.

5. Joaquin Phoenix. Did you expect any one else? That unkempt mess that took over his face last year... we only have three words: Charles Manson creepy. For that matter, call it a draw.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.