Oh . . . My . . . God

Akiane is God’s personal painter. So Akiane believes. Akiane’s 13, and some have called her a child prodigy. Perhaps that’s why Akiane has a bloated sense of self. Akiane rules. So Akiane believes. But doesn’t Akiane’s bigwig benefactor preach that “you shall not make for yourself an idol”? Weeeellll, this precocious pup paints self-portraits, makes videos of herself that you can catch on YouTube, and has a self-serving Web site ( on which she hawks her stuff. Not least, she’s given her style its own name: Akianism. Christ on a fucking crutch. So much for Exodus 20:4. We’re not calling Akiane the Antichrist or anything, but come on. She started drawing in preschool. Who didn’t? She started painting in first grade. We smudged a few smocks ourselves. To be fair -– and dodge the pitchfork -- we’ll damn her art with faint praise. It’s a mixed bag of cloying animal/people portraits and Sedona-vortex-school images of ethereal beings floating through the cosmos. The faint praise is that we couldn’t do it, but it’s certainly not beyond the reach of a gifted 16-year-old. Akiane's no prodigy. So we believe. God help us.
Nov. 16-Dec. 16, 12-9 p.m., 2007
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Clay McNear
Contact: Clay McNear