Profile: Cabbie Steve Sims

Steve Sims, 38, doesn't watch Taxicab Confessions -- he never needs to. The former computer programmer turned cabdriver has already seen plenty of explicit and outrageous action in the back seats of the taxis he's driven for Discount Cab over the past four years, especially on December 31.

Lettin' loose: New Year's Eve is the one day where a cabdriver can say the phrase, "Mister, put your pants back on," and hear the phrase, "Now I can brag to my husband I blew the cabdriver," in the same night. It's the party night where everybody takes it off, everybody becomes someone completely different, and everybody goes into a hedonistic frenzy that's absolutely beautiful to watch.

A fistful of dollars: If you don't walk home with $500 to $600 [on New Year's Eve], then you're slacking off. Once it hits a critical point around 8 p.m., you're not even stopping to take a pee, because you'll be losing money.

Back-seat boy: A guy paid me $200 to walk away for 20 minutes while him and his wife took care of business. Got my stuff, took the keys, shut the door, and when I came back they had these shit-eating grins.

Up in smoke: I had a guy about two New Year's Eves ago who asked me, "Mind if I smoke?" No problem. Then he pulls out a crack pipe. I'm like, "Dude, you're way too brazen to be in my cab," so I kicked him out fast.

Anger management: Everyone tends to be docile on New Year's, but you still get these guys who get ditched and are absolutely drunk and pissed off. I had one guy, he actually punched my seat, and I had to toss him out. It was only $5 on the meter so I couldn't have cared.

East master: I am purely an East Valley driver. I know Scottsdale like the back of my hand 'cause all the wild stuff happens there. Rarely do I find myself on the west side and have any of that. Old Town Scottsdale seems to be the party mecca for the Phoenix metro area.

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Benjamin Leatherman is a staff writer at Phoenix New Times. He covers local nightlife, music, culture, geekery, and fringe pursuits.