Yes, I really do think Real Steel looks like a Hollywood adaptation of the 1964 toy Rock'em Sock'em Robots. Halfway through the trailer, I half expected to see Hugh Jackman's mechanical counterpart uppercut his opponent's block right off his shoulders with a white, clanking spine piece still protruding from the body.
A faulty, robot-fighting premise aside, this flick stars Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine), which is probably enough to get me to see the film and just maybe enough to see the Real Steel Robot Roadshow Tour coming to Chase Field this Wednesday.
This tour will give would-be Real Steel fans a chance to meet Atom (the film's protagonist with artificial intelligence) and Noisy Boy (an opponent bot with a 38 miles-per-hour max punch speed).
The event runs from 4 to 8 p.m., and if you see me there, expect to hear some serious trash-talking about the film's robots. A 38 mile-per-hour punch is nothing compared to these five robots who could definitely kick Hugh Jackman and his big robot's collective robot-fighting ass.
First, check out the competition. Below is Jackman and his robot in Real Steel:
Mazinger Z is all about the accessories. What's that Real Steel bot? You say you've got a mean hook? Mazinger Z's got a rocket punch. If that doesn't take you down, he'll rain robot fire on your from his chest plates.
Here's what to do if you run into a Gundam: don't. In general, anything lucky enough to spot a Gundam is only moments away from white-hot death in the form of a beam rifle blast. Train all you want, it's not going to help you best a war machine equipped with a nuclear reactor and a pair of beam sabers.
2. Voltron
Voltron is a massive, humanoid robot (loved by good, feared by evil) composed of five robot lions. Its achilles heel is that its pilots will always, always attempt to beat you in lion mode first. Ultimately, even Real Steel's robots stand a chance as the lions are pretty easy to pick off one at a time. Once they combine to form Voltron, you can bet that a deadly swing from a blazing sword is only moments away.
All you really need to know about Space Runaway Ideon is that it comes equipped with a weapon called the Black Hole Cannon. The gun actually creates black holes. Is this the nuclear option of giant robot battle tactics? Quite possibly. So go ahead and throw some punches, Hugh Jackman, knowing that you're a paper cut on the surface of a machine capable of destroying your entire solar system.
