Six Leprechaun Myths Debunked By Chuey the Rock 'n' Roll Midget

Irish culture will be in abundance across the Valley today as Saint Pat's celebrations take place at bars and clubs from Avondale to Apache Junction. So if you wish (or drink) hard enough, there's probably a slim chance you might just encounter one of the mythical and magical tricksters.

Wondering what should you expect if one of these wee men appears before you?

We consulted with the closest example of a local leprechaun: Chuey the Rock 'n' Roll Midget. The 29-year-old bartender at Giligin's in Scottsdale typically spends his St. Patty's Day dressed as a wee Irish trickster and serving up green beer (and plenty of dirty jokes) to lads and lasses as his alter ego "Chuey O'Riley the Mexi-chaun."

We asked Chuey to help shed some light on some of the many myths and stereotypes associated with leprechauns ...

Myth #1: People are always after either your lucky charms or gold.

Truth: That's true. People always ask me where my gold is, especially when they're fucking drunk. They never find it though, because I always keep a fake satchel of gold next to the real one.

Myth #2: Leprechauns can always be found underneath rainbows.

Truth: That's bullshit. Rainbows are for the gays. I don't hang around rainbows.

Myth #3: Leprechauns have magical powers, like disappearing into nothingness.

Truth: Sorta true. I have the magical power of getting laid anytime I want. 24-7. I could just snap my fingers and it will happen. But if I want to disappear I use that smoke that ninjas use, or I just walk away.

Myth #4: Leprechauns are nasty, evil tricksters.

Truth: Nope. I'm actually a really nice guy to everyone, especially the ladies. Sometimes it sucks to be a short leprechaun because you have to smell everyone's farts.

Myth #5: Leprechauns are always seen smoking a tobacco pipe.

Truth: It depends. I sometimes have a pipe in my mouth.

Myth #6: Everything about leprechauns is small, including their, uh...sheleighly.

Truth: Nope. I don't have any tiny plumbing. It looks big in my hand.

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Benjamin Leatherman is a staff writer at Phoenix New Times. He covers local nightlife, music, culture, geekery, and fringe pursuits.