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So You're a College Graduate ... (a Flowchart)

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From time to time, Zach Fowle will provide a visual guide to every day and extraordinary situations ... and (because he has bad handwriting) Claire Lawton will illustrate them. Welcome to Charted Territory.

To our friends in the Class of 2012, we offer a few words of advice ...

Don't listen to your valedictorian or the old guy they dragged out of retirement to speak at commencement.

Don't worry about the colorful ropes or strange Latin phrases they put on your diploma (which you will lose after your first move out of college).

Do take advantage of all of the cash that will soon come your way via extended family and your parents' friends.

Don't wear heels to walk across the stage. Just don't.

Do, however, wear something nice under your gown. It's 100 degrees outside, and that wearable solar oven should come off as soon as your grandmother can figure out how to take a picture of you and your mom on your smartphone. #instagram

Don't worry about finding a job for at least a week, after which you can either hit the pavement or continue riding the waves through grad school.

Do remember that this is your last summer vacation. Ever.

And don't hold on to your cap and gown -- that shit will make a totally awesome toga or fuel a sick bonfire at your post-graduation (or end of the world) bash.

Congratulations and welcome to the real world.

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Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.