You're on the internet. That means you're accustomed to a lot of T&A.
Here, on our classy arts and culture blog, we've brought the T&A to you in a very sophisticated way: with a top ten list of art history's greatest T&A ever.
You're so welcome.
1. Venus von Willendorf
Alright, we're really reaching back into history for this one. But if there's a statuette with penises for breasts, it's got to be included in this perverted post. This little darling was made sometime around 22,000 BCE. She was discovered in the early 20th century in Austria. Of course, due to her humungo boobs and intricately carved vagina, scholars believe her to be fertility symbol. We believe her to be kinda gross lookin'.
2. Venus of Urbino by Titian
Okay, so technically, this lacks the "A" part of the equation but it remains one of the all-time greatest nudes in Art History. Scholars and art historians have debated the meaning and intent of this work. While we may think it tame, if a naked lady was pawing at her nether-region and staring right at you, you'd probably get a little worked up. Now imagine if you lived in the mid-16th century, which is when this was painted. Scandalous.
3. Venus de Milo
We can't neglect the super-duper famous sculpture of this Venus made way back in 100 BCE so this topless honey makes our list. The ancient Greeks sculpted her luscious bosom to honor Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. Then the Romans renamed her Venus. Now she's at the Louvre in Paris. You should know what she looks like (if not, click here). You have to admire her. After 2,000 years, her tatas are as perky as a 20-year-old's.
4. The Clothed/Nude Maja by Francisco Goya
One of our Art History professors told us a heartwarming story about the original owner of these paintings created in the early 19th century. Allegedly, the man had the clothed version on display always. The nude version was behind a curtain. And, when it was just the fellas in the house, he'd pull back the curtain and then they'd all talk about their boners or whatever dudes do when they look at porn together (why do guys do that, anyway?). God bless art history...and porn.
Wow. Just . . . wow. Tunick is a contemporary American artist who has traveled the world and convinced thousands of people to strip all the way down and pose for his massive installations. Just check his website. Can't look away, can you? While he definitely clocks in at the most T&A shown, there's also a lot of wang in his works so we couldn't really justify giving him a top spot.
6. Judith and the Head of Holofernes by Gustav Klimt
You know, if we just chopped off a dude's head, we'd probably feel like whipping out one of our boobies. Why not, right? In all fairness, Judith had just finished seducing her enemy, Holofernes. But we assume Gustav Klimt, an Austrian artist popular in the early 20th century, included this peek-a-boob because he was most likely thinking about the massive bone-down he just had with whatever model he used for this painting (he was a huge male slut).
7. Pretty much any painting by Peter Paul Rubens
Okay, so this guy loved him some fleshy chicks. Naturally, with that kind of build, his preferred art model had to have some major T&A ... and some major, well, everything else. We'd love to give him credit for loving a "well-rounded" body type but we can't. You see, he didn't start painting them until the 1630s. By that time, he was in his 50s and married to his second wife who's curvy body inspired him. She was 16 when they married. And that's freakin' gross.
8. Georgia O'Keefe Portraits by Alfred Stieglitz
You have to love this miserable love affair. Most of us think of Georgia O'Keefe as the wrinkled old woman in the middle of the desert who painted cow skulls and vaginal-looking flowers. Well, back in the day, she was showing some serious flesh for her life's love, photographer Alfred Stieglitz. This photo (linked because of copyright issues) makes us realize two things: O'Keefe had a rockin' body and we're thankful we live in an era of aggressive grooming.
9. Le Sommeil by Gustav Courbet
Courbet was a 19th century French painter who led the Realist movement (a bridge to the impressionists). He never shied from social commentary in his work -- which ultimately led to his exile. Another thing he never shied from was naked chicks. Just check out these two babes using one another as giant, fleshy sleeping bags. Yep, Courbet just loooooved mommy parts -- and we're talking about all the parts.
10. Made In Heaven Series by Jeff Koons
Oh, what can we say about this guy? Koons is a contemporary American artist who turns junk subject matter into high art. Or maybe it just stays junk. This is debatable. Either way, this series of paintings from the 1990s is probably the most ridiculously racy art ever to be shown in a museum. It's a bunch of paintings of Koons banging his porn star wife (now divorced). And there's one work, aptly named Ilona's Asshole, that features, yes, her butthole. That's a little more "A" than we bargained for.
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