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We're Doomed: Scientists Discover Genitalia-Headed Fish

See also: We're Doomed: Scientists Discover Jumping Cockroach See also: We're Doomed: Scientists Create "Supersoldier" Ants with Jaws See also: We're Doomed: Scientists Discover Spiders with Claws

Because what lies beneath can only get uglier, creepier, and more likely to suck on your toes when you fall off the side of the boat, scientists are releasing information about the Phallostethus Cuulong, found recently in Vietnam.

According to National Geographic and Lynne Parenti, curator of fishes at the National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C., the Cuulong is now part of the Phallostethidae family (Phallostethus meaning "penis chest" in Greek).

The male and female Phallostethus Cuulong are the horniest of fish (probably second to the ghost shark recently found with a sex organ on its head) and mate almost instantly after birth.

Parenti describes a number of the fish in a tank that when mating all "looked like little pair(s) of scissors, darting around the tank together."

While mating, the male grabs the female and impregnates her through an urogential opening -- located on her head.

The fish, commonly found in the Mekong Basin, an industrial part of Vietnam, is about 2.5 centimeters long. Scientists describe the fish's odd evolution as a mystery; Parenti says the evolution makes sense, as head-to-head mating is much more "efficient."

Here's to the future, friends. Prep the bunkers (and clear the ponds).

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