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Zombie Research Society, Phoenix Chapter Meeting

Show him your laminated ZRS membership card.
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Members of the local chapter of the

Zombie Research Society

led a public meeting to discuss the impending zombie apocalypse this past Saturday, September 18.

The ZRS is an  international non-profit organization dedicated to "raising the level of zombie scholarship in the Arts and Sciences." To become a member, pay the $25 one-time fee to get a ZRS tee shirt and laminated membership card  -- your first necessary supplies in defense against zombies (and getting laid).

The Arizona chapter, led by zombie expert Zoe Mora, concentrates on desert survival tactics. The meeting provided hand-outs on water sterilization and pasteurization, bug-out bags (72-hour survival packs), and other tips for surviving in a post-apocalyptic land infested by zombies. The presentation was delivered with total sincerity.

Mora noted that the greatest danger during a zombie apocalypse will be marauders -- fellow human survivors searching for supplies. All marauders should be killed. Stemming from a lifetime of limited social contact, this group's lack of human empathy is one of their most valuable weapons.

Audience attendance was surprisingly high on Saturday as 20 more people than expected showed up to listen to ZRS leaders cover the basics of improvised weapons (IWs), fortifications and traps in an urban setting.

The group of 22 concerned citizens listened intently as they learned to use wood dowels, masking tape and dental floss to create dangerous snares and traps. A passionate discussion followed as attendees debated the following important questions:

What are the legal ramifications of killing a zombie?

Would a bomb kill a zombie?

Can zombies have babies?

Does a zombie have a heartbeat?

The room filled with heated opinions as this writer avoided eye contact.

Zombie babies not making zombie babies.

According to the experts, 

there are no legal ramifications of killing a zombie due to the inevitable break-down of governmental and judicial systems

; a bomb would only kill a zombie if it destroyed the zombie's brain; zombies cannot have babies; and they may or may not have a heartbeat -- this depends whether the zombie in question is the "undead" type of zombie or the kind of zombie that caught a disease.

As the meeting moved on to discuss zombie updates in pop culture, this writer learned that, in addition to their obsession with living human brain tissue, zombies love proms.

To learn more about ZRS, visit www.zombieresearch.org or attend October's meeting at Bookmans Entertainment Exchange. Keep tabs on the store's calendar for the date announcement.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.