BEST PLACE TO DRESS DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 2005 | Electric Ladyland | Shopping & Services | Phoenix
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BEST PLACE TO DRESS DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Electric Ladyland

If you want to see the local versions of Susan, Gabrielle and Edie, just look here, among the Barbie tee shirts, chandelier earrings and jeweled sandals. This north Scottsdale boutique has aisles of clothing and accessories for the bored, spray-tanned and Botoxed demographic. There are rhinestone-studded platform wedges, beaded tube tops, Jackie O sunglasses, and dresses cut low for better display of surgically augmented breasts. Nearly everything in Electric Ladyland is metallic, rhinestoned, or hot pink. Absolutely nothing here is office attire; if you have a job outside the home, this is not the store for you. These are clothes you buy with your hubby's platinum Amex and wear while you lounge around your 6,500-square-foot custom home, ogling the pool boy.

BEST PLACE TO BUY A BALL GOWN

Designs by Randall

In an ordinary one-story office building, surrounded by other bland office complexes, hides a workspace oozing decadent glamour. Designs by Randall is a playland of vibrant fabrics and glistening rhinestones, and rack upon rack of shimmering gowns waiting to light up a competition dance floor. For 19 years, Randall Christensen and Henry Vela have partnered up to design dancewear for local ballroom competitions and big-budget motion pictures. In fact, Hollywood has knocked more than once, commissioning DBR to design gowns for such films as Shall We Dance? with Jennifer Lopez, Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas, and Dance With Me with Vanessa Williams. Both Crystal Cruises and Ballroom Boot Camp, a new TLC series, have also been added to Randall's cushy list of clients looking for one or more custom gowns, which range in price from $1,200 to $3,400. What, you thought glamour came cheap?

BEST PLACE TO BUY DRAG QUEEN HEELS

Smokin' Lingerie

Your first pair of high heels is a beautiful thing. When you were younger, you'd runway up and down the hall in your mother's pumps, feeling tall, sexy and confident, as if you were the queen of the world. And then came the day when you were old enough to purchase your very own pair. We'd like to suggest you do that at Smokin' Lingerie. And once you're there, don't bother with a common one- or two-inch spike. Reach to the heavens in shining red patent leather! Push the envelope, turn heads, and go for six-inch stilettos, or even nine-inch platforms. Smokin' Lingerie offers such a wide variety of pumps and slides, you may end up walking out with a second, third and fourth pair. Even the hard-to-find women's Size 12 is on hand, er, foot. But practice your stride before prancing down the street. We don't want you stumbling, breaking an ankle, and killing any chance of picking up Mr. Right.

BEST PLACE TO BUY CLOGS

The Shoe Mill

There was a time, we must admit, when we wanted to wear clogs but didn't, afraid someone might think we were a lesbian. We got over that as soon as we slipped a toe into a black leather Dansko.

These days, it's so hip to be gay we wouldn't mind being mistaken for bi-, but now all the lesbians seem to be wearing Manolo Blahniks.

They don't know what they're missing.

The Shoe Mill was then and is now the best place in the Valley to buy clogs. You can find everything from Naot to Josef Seibel, clogs covered in faux pony, flowers, plaid wool. Red Mary Janes. Our favorite is the Dansko Professional -- classic clog style with a closed back. Sure, the white ones look like something only a nurse would wear. But you should see our black patent leather Professionals. Nothing professional about them, we promise.

Now, if only the Shoe Mill started carrying Manolos . . .

BEST CLOTHING RETAILER WITH A CONSCIENCE

Objects

We're not ready to canonize Objects owner Tina Liston just yet. But we're hard-pressed to find a clothing retailer with as big a heart. Since opening last year at the Biltmore, Objects -- which sells hard-to-find designer clothing, and harder-to-find home furnishings from around the world -- has held in-store art shows and charity benefits for tsunami relief (raising more than $3,000) and ALS research, and has a silent auction in the works to raise money for Habitat for Humanity. (As of press time, she was still plotting her Katrina relief efforts.) All the while, Liston and her cohorts are scouring the globe -- from Africa to Peru, and southeast Asia to Costa Rica -- in search of handmade goods like textiles, pillows, ceramics and artifacts, and (get this!) actually paying fair prices before bringing them back stateside. "I'm just happy to be able to filter some of the income from my business in a philanthropic way," Liston says. "But what I'm most pleased with is how much our customers appreciate it." And we do!

BEST BARGAIN CLOTHES

Last Chance Bargain Shoes & Apparel

This Best of Phoenix is brought to you by a metrosexual man in Mephisto shoes, Bugachi shirt and Indigo Palms jeans. Suggested retail: $590. Last Chance price: $59. That's a 90 percent discount, just about average for this clearinghouse dive for leftovers, returns and misfit dolls from the nation's Nordstrom department stores.

Yes, it is a dive, something akin to a Tuscaloosa swap meet on hillbilly heroin. But take heart, because beyond the grabby bitches, both male and female, there is still a majority of civilized bargain shoppers. The Last Chance experience can be fun if accepted as camp, or slumming, or even whoring for the greater good. And dangit, for a Mr. Metrosexy, looking this good for $59 may be the greatest good there is.

BEST PLACE TO SPEND YOUR ALLOWANCE

Here on the Corner

For years, we've waited for someone to open a cute boutique near Arizona State University, a place where it's just as much fun to browse as to buy, and where even a cash-strapped coed can find a stylish little something to spruce up that outfit from Old Navy.

And then we stumbled into Here on the Corner. We love the fact that this little space just north of campus is packed with the work of local designers, but our favorite part is that you can find super-cute accessories for $10 and under. There's a huge selection of trendy sunglasses, all priced at $10. Many bracelets and rings are just $5. Some things are a little pricier, but obviously worth it: You can find a hand-embroidered pair of jeans, something that might cost several hundreds of dollars at a ritzy joint in north Scottsdale, for under $100. The friendly staff didn't mind when we picked through just about everything in the shop, finally landing on a $5 toe ring.

Now we can only hope for more cute boutiques. Last time we looked, there was space for rent across the street from Here on the Corner, in the new ASU Foundation building. Any takers?

BEST PLACE TO PASS THE TIME

Artafax

Looking for the ideal housewares gift for your too-cool-for-school pal? Head over to Artafax in the Kierland Commons shopping plaza for everything from cool place settings to knickknacks that will knock your smock off. What moved us about the store for Gucci hipsters on a recent visit was the inordinate number of far-out clocks on its walls, many by Dutch designer Hank Stallinga and British designer Deborah Jedwab. One cylindrical timepiece has a stationary 12 at the top with a swinging 6 at the bottom. A silver, rectangular clock that we particularly liked has a swinging rabbit's-foot chain at the bottom. There was a compass-like one with 14 gears showing. Another has mirrors at 1, 4, 6, 9 and 11. There was one in the shape of an exploding atom. The prices for these sculptures that tell time ranged from $80 to $250, cheap (if you ask us) for functional art that you'll dig for a long time. Of course, there's the standard cuckoo clock, too, but you will want to go très chic at the stylish Artafax -- or you may as well buy your wall watch at Wal-Mart.

BEST PLACE TO BUY A MAKE-UP GIFT

Tiffany & Co.

If there'd been any way to buy one of those light-blue Tiffany boxes on the black market, we could've saved a mint by snagging the box and heading over to the discount jewelry mart for a cheapo trinket. Alas, you've gotta pay to collect a Tiffany box.

Sometimes, there's no substitute. Yep, we did something so wrong, we were forced to go all the way up the ladder to the Jeweler of Jewelers for a make-up gift. Okay, okay, we admit it, damn it all; what you think we did doesn't even compare to the offense in question. We had no damn choice. Anything short of Tiffany's, and we'd have been up the canal without a bobble.

So, tail between legs, we headed to the Scottsdale branch of the jeweler to the rich and famous. Once inside, we had one question: "How much do I have to spend to get one of them blue boxes?" A nice lady behind the counter looked sympathetic, as her haughty colleagues glared at us with that "Well, if you have to ask . . ." look. The Queen of Compassion pointed to her own earrings, which resembled Tahitian pearls but were really stainless-steel jobbies for a mere $65. "Of course, we have items like money clips for less, but that won't do, will it?" she said, clicking her tongue three times. No, it wouldn't!

To put those tight-assed colleagues of hers in their place, we blurted: "What's the most expensive item in the store?" It was a $250,000 diamond engagement ring. We settled for something on the low end of in-between -- a $486 crystal heart on a platinum chain -- and got the hell out of there!

Fortunately, the locks on the doors hadn't been changed by the time we got home with our little blue box.

BEST PLACE TO BUY A GREETING CARD

The Store at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts

We think this classy museum emporium is just about the best place to buy anything, but it's unparalleled in the area of greeting cards, thanks to the exquisite eye of Janice Bartczak, the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts' Director of Retail Operations (a fancy-schmancy name for head buyer). No Hallmark here. Rather, Bartczak stocks The Store with an assortment of single and boxed cards by makers such as KOCO NY; Peaceable Kingdom Press of Berkeley, California; Galison of New York; Knock Knock of Venice, California; Borealis Press of Surry, Maine; and Designfold of New York. And in the event that you dislike the cards on hand -- highly doubtful -- The Store also sells a DIY card-making kit. Even we jaded media types aren't immune to The Store's charms; on a recent visit, we succumbed to the allure of a set of Opera Notes cards by Galison featuring to-die-for illustrations by artist John Martinez.

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