It goes without saying that fuzz is gonna be hitting Valley streets en masse tonight, enforcing our states fearsome DUI laws (where John Q. Law states they can bust anyone impaired "to the slighest degree") and hunting down anyone who's idiotic enough to get behind the wheel after a couple of drinks at local bars and clubs tonight. It even brings to mind Ernie Hudson's humorous line from The Crow: "So many cops, you'd think they givin' away donuts!"
Unless you're the sort of foolhardy daredevil who enjoys risking the lives of both yourself and others -- not to mention a very expensive trip to the hoosegow -- check out the following suggestions on how to get home safely tonight without incident. You can thank us in the morning.
See also: - New Year's Eve Guide 2013 - The Most Interesting New Year's Eve Parties in Metro Phoenix - Where to Drink and What to Eat in Phoenix on New Year's Eve - 7 More Picks for Where to Drink and Dine in Phoenix on New Year's Eve
7. Old Town Scottsdale's Golf Carts On any given weekend night in Scottsdale's nightlife district, the streets are abuzz with flocks of gas-powered golf carts whisking away inebriated bar-hoppers, gussied-up gals, and other clubgoers to their next drinking destination. And while these speedy rides mainly take people from club to club (and typically are available until 3 a.m.), drivers are often willing to transport those who live in close proximity to Old Town directly to their front doorsteps, especially if you give 'em a healthy tip.Cost: Free, although gratuities are always appreciated.
Top Notch Transportation: 602-465-7816 Bunny Rides: 602-405-2106 Swift Rides: 602-909-2288
6. Bar Buses The proprietors of a few local nightlife establishments will not only offer patrons a place to party tonight, they'll also provide a lift home after an evening of revelry. For example, both The Vig (4041 North 40th Street, 602-553-7227) and its sister restaurant in Uptown (6015 North 16th Street, 602-633-1187) will be running the "Vig Rig" service to customers between locations and within nearby neighborhoods starting at 6 p.m. Call 602-722-5976 to make arrangements. Meanwhile, Old Town Scottsdale after-hours dance club Afterlife (4282 North Drinkwater Boulevard, Scottsdale, 480-264-8300) will provide free shuttle service to the dorms of ASU every 30 minutes. Cost: Free.
5. Tipsy Tow The Arizona branch of AAA will offer rides home for you, a passenger, and your vehicle on New Year's Eve anytime via one of their tow trucks within the hours of 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. However, there's a catch: The destination has to be no more than 10 miles from whatever bar or nightlife establishment they pick you up at, which means it would behoove you to get blitzed somewhere close to home. Call 800-222-4357 for more info. Cost: Free
4. Walking Although it may seem like a foreign concept to hit the bricks in order to get somewhere in the car-obsessed Valley of the Sun, hoofing it to and from nearby bars will not only allow you to avoid a DUI but also to burn off all that excess alcohol. Cost: Free, yo.
3. Metro Light Rail If happen to be celebrating the arrival of 2013 at any of the dance joints or drinking establishments that dot downtown Phoenix, Mill Avenue, or any other locale within walking distance from a light rail station, you're in luck. The trains will be rolling down the tracks until approximately 3 a.m. on New Year's Eve, which will allow you enough time to drink right up to last call and stumble to a station. Cost: $1.75 for a one-way trip, $3.50 for an unlimited pass.
2. Taxi Cabs New Year's Eve is one of the biggest nights of the year for the Valley's hacks and taxi drivers, and with good reason. Patrons pile into the back seats of their cabs in nearly non-stop fashion from 6 p.m. until around 4 a.m., dropping greenbacks to get to their chosen destinations. There are dozens of taxi services in the PHX, but the following companies offer free rides back to your car the morning after with a paid fare the night before. Cost: Varies per destination, but averages around $20-$30.
AAA Yellow Cab: 602-252-2000 All-State Cab: 602-275-8888 Checker Cab: 602-257-1818 Discount Cab: 602-200-2000
1. Ride Home Services Rather not ditch your ride in some random parking lot? Here are two local companies that dispatch drivers or tow trucks to get both you and your vehicle home safe and sound. It sure beats having to get the car outta impound (not to mention all the costs associated with a DUI, which runs in excess of $10,000 or more)
DD 24-7: 888-247-3330 (Runs round the clock) This service (which stands for "Designated Drivers 24-7") offers a two-pronged approach to getting y'all home safe and sound: The first choice involves a pair of drivers traveling to you within 30 minutes, followed by one cat driving your car home while the other follows behind. (They'll even pick up some of your pals or hit a drive thru if you so desire.) The second option involves a flatbed trunk transporting your ride to a specified location. Cost: Memberships offer unlimited rides throughout they Valley and are available for $50 per month (although drivers also require a minimum gratuity of at least $40).
Designated Driver 2 You (Runs 5 p.m. to 1 a.m.) Patrons of a number of seven different Chandler-area bars, restaurants, and nightspots can partake in this shuttle service that provide free trips within five miles of said establishments (or 10 miles with an "additional fuel donation"). The list includes Hungry Monk, McDuffy's, Ruffino's, D-Vine Bistro & Wine Bar, Native New Yorker, and Jimmy's of Chicago. The shuttles start running at 5 p.m. Call 480-289-1156 for more info. Cost: Free, but gratuities are accepted.