The days of simple sacrifice are long over.
For those who practice Lent, the next 40 days are a test -- survive without something you truly care about and earn the right to binge on Easter Sunday.
Since the introduction of mobile connectivity, apps, Tumblrs, and hashtags, our obsessions are constantly being fed. We have more to lose -- but we could use the cleanse.
Here seven things we should all give up for the next 40 days:
7. Mustaches: It's time.
6. Nail Art: Yes, without your daily sins, you'll have plenty more time for self-decoration. But for the love of God (literally), get a vajazzle, curl up in a vagisoft, take your boyfriend to get a manzillion if you have to.
No one wants to see your mangy nails that you've decided to plaster with lucha libre masks, watermelons, or God forbid (almost literally) newspaper.
5. Bacon: Bacon as an icon, an illustration on your band-aid, a topper on your cupcakes, an embroidered decoration on your pillows, a watercolor project, a flavored vodka, a keychain, a soap, or most of all -- an excuse to dip into No. 6.
4. Cheap Cocktails: Because giving up in favor of splurging is much more fun, anyway. Plus you're going to need to kick a couple strong ones back if you're going to survive your stint away from bacon (sadly). As a replacement, we recommend any of these ...
3. Ryan Gosling: Just for 40 days, people. Just for 40 days.
2. Flash Mobs: When you start seeing mass invites and fliers posted for "flash mob practices," it kind of defeats the purpose. Also, this happened.
1. Pinterest. Go outside. No one's going to miss your stream of pastel-painted mason jars. And when you come back, you'll be able to scroll down for days and days and days ...
And when you feel the need to log back in, you can follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook and Twitter and yes, even Pinterest.
