In a refreshing and unexpected turn, and after much reflection, we've come up with a list of ten reasons you should vote for Andrew Thomas for Arizona Attorney General in tomorrow's GOP primary.
Yes, you read that right. Sort of.
1. If elected, Thomas may finally be able to realize his dream of putting convicted criminals in stockades. Don't believe us? Read it in his book, Crime and the Sacking of America, or just check it out in our 2004 story.
2. Imagine the excitement of being the voters who elected the very first Arizona attorney general to later be disbarred. (And don't worry, Andy, in this fine state, you can lose your privileges to practice law but still be AG!)
3. Barnett Lotstein.
4. As attorney general, Thomas will be but two heartbeats away from the governor's office. And don't think it hasn't happened before. It has.
(read the rest of the reasons after the jump)
5. He's a member of the Master Race, so help the guy with his Master Plan. Tomorrow, GOP state attorney general nominee. 2020, the WHITE HOUSE?
6. Just imagine: Chief Assistant Deputy Attorney General Lisa Aubuchon.
7. C'mon, folks, let's give public relations pimp Jason Rose one winner this season. He's got a reputation to maintain.
8. Pass our version of tort reform! As an Arizona taxpayer, you will get the opportunity to fork over more of your hard-earned money to pay high-priced Washington, D.C. ambulance chasers to do Thomas' bidding on an endless stream of politically motivated, spiteful, and generally ridiculous lawsuits.
9. Give New Times more material. Who else are we going to write about, Terry Goddard? We've done the math. By electing Thomas, you voters would give us (at least, in a year's time) 3 cover stories, 15 news shorts, 36 columns and 24,316 blog posts.
10. Oil paintings for everyone! And lots more work for Phoenix attorney and portrait-sitter Dennis Wilenchik.