Last week, we asked our readers to offer suggestions for an appropriate caption for the above booking photo of Bruce Wardell for this week's New Times' You Write the Caption contest.
Wardell is accused of watching porn in front of his girlfriend's 6-year-old daughter. His girlfriend, Latease Coddington, who lived in Wardell's house, shot up some sort of injectable drug in front of the girl, according to police.
The two allegedly hid the girl in a tiny storage compartment hidden under a bed whenever Child Protective Services paid a visit to Wardell's house.
We had nearly 30 responses in the comment section of the post, which you can see by clicking here.
We've narrowed it down to five finalists, but only one can win the grand prize: a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building, a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of Phoenix's municipal tap water.
The finalists are as follows:
A) Lazik11 with "Things haven't gone so well after he lost his job as a George Armstong
Custer re-enacter at the Battle of Litttle Big Horn State Park."
B) MulletMarty with "As evident in this recent photo, Randy Johnson has aged somewhat since
his days as a dominant fast-baller for the Diamondbacks."
C) Andrew Thom Ass with "But officer, it was STRAIGHT PORN!!! He wasn't goin' in her ASS or Nuthin'..."
D) Andrew Thom Ass With "I can still vote for Russell Pearce, Right?"
E) shadeux14 with "Reality hits you hard bro..............with an ugly stick."
Cast your vote below.